I've been arguing with my friend and I just need a few people to tell him that the reasons I'm about to say is valid. I can attest and prove and he admitted most of this is true.
He takes a shower maybe two-3 times a week, hasn't flossed his teeth, brushing maybe once every few weeks, he just plain does not practice any proper hygiene at all. I'm trying to convince him that just these alone completely bar him from having a chance but he doesn't believe me. He says that a girl will look past his acne and his hygiene and love him no matter what. I tell him his onion armpits and corpse breath will prevent a girl from getting near enough to him to even try. I honestly have gotten so sick of it I only talk to him over the phone cuz it's just that rancid.
Please help me tell him also that just because he took a shot one or twice and didn't have anything when he wiped he doesn't just suddenly no longer have to wipe his ass that's another thing that I can't believe I have to convince him of it's just so fucking gross to even think he's not wiping when he shits. Thank you and I'm sorry for bothering you all with this it's just I feel like if I let this pot simmer for a bit Reddit will come to his rescue.
EDIT I swear I'm not trying to be mean and I know I am. I get it. But this guy really has a heart of gold and I love him to death he just needs some sort of lush or therapy at this point I'm hoping some of these comments can help him see what he's doing wrong to give him a chance. I just want him to achieve his dreams. He's saved my life a few times in multiple different ways and has been there for me more than anyone else has. I want to do the same for him.
32 comments
I have guy friends like this too. They cry and whine about how women don’t like them because they don’t want nice guys, women only wants bad boys, nice guys always lose out, etc. But they shower once a week and wear the same clothes over and over without washing them. Their friends don’t even want to be around them. I don’t get why so many men can’t comprehend why a woman wouldn’t want to date/have sex with/sleep in the same bed with a guy who reeks like a dumpster.
It’s not just dating. I don’t want to be around people that smell or are gross in general.
Ask him if he wants to date a person who hasn’t showered or brushed their teeth in days/weeks. Would you want to go down on a person who hasn’t washed in that long?
Look past the hygiene and love him regardless? No. Fuck no. If my partner has a bad depressive episode and hasn’t showered in a couple days, sure, I can deal with it. But at some point I’m gonna step in and try to get them to clean themselves. I’ve run a bath and washed my partner for them in the past because they couldn’t do it themselves. But I’m not just gonna say, “oh babe, you haven’t showered in two weeks? If you’re happy, I’m happy. Btw, my folks are coming over later. Mind pulling out the good china? Tell the roaches they can join us at the table.”
And expecting to start a relationship with someone, likely a stranger, to tolerate this?
Your friend is delusional. Take a shower. Put on deodorant. Brush your teeth. Wipe your ass. Wash your clothes. Wear clean clothes and change bedding more than once every two weeks.
Your friend is disgusting. Would not be their friend.
I’ve heard so many people say that hygiene is the sole problem for most guys who are struggling to find romance. I’m extremely skeptical of this idea. And if you do manage to convince him but there are other reasons (e.g. some pretty clear signs of emotional immaturity), then you’ve shown yourself to be either a liar or someone who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You don’t want either one.
I’ve never been a guy to have poor hygiene except for my teeth. It took a root canal to change that. My years of neglect led to three more root canals and a fifth crown after that, as well as half a dozen fillings. Now I brush and floss at least once a day. It may take a consequence like this. Or, it may take you setting a boundary and pulling away unless he changes his hygiene. He has to want it for *him* and the things he currently cares about.
I can’t remember the actual quote, but I’ll paraphrase Ryan Michler from the Order of Man podcast: **until the pain of the current behavior becomes greater than the inconvenience of change, you’re going to stay right where you are.**
There are too many dudes that don’t realize that basic (and I mean basic) hygiene and grooming is the baseline.
I used to have similar arguments with an old roommate over his poor social skills. Finally I told him, “*Let me know when your method starts working for you, because I’m not the guy in this conversation who’s never had a girlfriend.*”
That snapped him to attention for a bit, he became more interested in what he was doing wrong. After explaining, for less than 2 minutes, areas he could improve on… he cut me off and let me know “*I’m not going to do all that, just impress some chick*!” So I left him to it.
Sounds like your friend has little to no self respect. If getting a girl isnt enough of an incentive to take care of himself, the I’d try to make a bet/challenge with him.
Bet him that if he went a month with good hygiene, he could get a date. If he doesn’t in a month you buy him dinner or a game or something it doesn’t matter.
In the end he goes a whole month being clean, maybe even sticking with it. Either getting a girl or getting a gift (or whatever you choose) win-win
I’m a girl and couldn’t read past the flossed teeth bit. Yuck. I think this answer is pretty obvious. He’d have to have a pretty amazing personality to be loved despite the force field of yuck he has in place protecting him from girls all the time.
You sound like a selfish and possibly shallow person, OP. But that doesn’t make you wrong about your friend.
My skin is crawling, spray him with lysol at least to help the rest of the people he subjects to his odor. This is mental illness homeless level stench.
No person will subject themselves to that, your friend needs mental help or at least formal education on hygiene.
I have an ex-husband that regressed his hygiene habits to near this state by the time we split. That was a HUGE factor in our divorce. So, “a girl is gonna look past that and love him anyway”? Nope, not gonna happen – hygiene this bad will even actively drive women away from him that may have once been interested.
That’s awfully graphic.
Hygiene is super important. A lot of attraction is tied to smell and a clean nice smell with a tiny drop of aftershave is amazing. Acne is also not attractive – it can be looked over iv everything else is on point, but it’s not attractive. His acne is probably mu h worse due to poor hygiene than it should be so extra ew.
Also, women want mature people who have their shit together. A guy who can’t even brush teeth or take a shower does not have their shit together. In this case they have shit in their pants – what a turn-off.
No one is ever going to learn about any of the good things about his personality because they’ll be too physically disgusted to spend any time with him or get to know him. If he doesn’t literally clean up his act, the best he’s ever going to get is a fake internet girlfriend and that will never pan out into a real life physical relationship.
How often do you take time to reflect on your dating experiences and what you’re looking for in a relationship?
Is your friend in middle school?
These are the conversations I have with 14-year-olds. Please tell him what I tell my students, “no one is going to touch you if you smell poorly.”
The problem is not his hygiene. The problem is the feelings and thoughts he has that keeps him in that bad hygiene place.
Deep down I think he probably knows its a problem, but I also think in some ways it’s a safety thing. Because if he didn’t have that bad hygiene he might have to confront some unpleasant thoughts within himself.
hot take but literally nothing matters except for hygiene and how you smell. i CANNOT stand being in the proximity of a stinky dude
Surprise him! Take his ass to a fine dining, indoor place. Or maybe invite him to a night place where girls and guys get drunk, club, bar, whatever.
Let their drunken directness tell him he’s a stinking piece of shit, maybe that’ll have him listen.
As a woman, what you’re describing here is absolutely vile. I would not touch this man with a mile-long pole. You couldn’t pay me to do it. No woman will “see past” complete and utter negligence. If you don’t take care of yourself, we sure as hell won’t care if you. If you don’t respect yourself, we won’t have even a *shred* of respect for you. That makes it abundantly clear to us from the jump that you won’t care about or respect US. Why would any woman sign up willingly for that? In what universe would we be attracted to someone who is all but guaranteed to make us feel nothing but disgust and pity and sorrow for him? Who’s gonna get wet for that? This is just not it. The state he’s gotten himself into is profoundly pathetic. There is no woman on earth who will seek this out.
My theory is this is a man who is so deep in his delusion about himself that he’s dissociating from reality. He may be refusing to accept that he might not be perfect and that if he put in some effort, he could find success. But he’s incapable of putting in that effort, for whatever conscious or sub conscious reason, so he’s rejecting reality and convincing himself that this is ok. He’s unable to engage with the emotional and mental pain that would allow him to break this cycle of self destruction. It’s too painful to acknowledge what he’s done to himself. So he just doubles down and leans in. He absolves himself of responsibility for his bad choices through rejection of reasonable reality. And he also absolves himself of any sexual partners.
Tell him to cut a hole in the crusty-ass body pillow we all know he has if he refuses change. He’s gonna need it for the rest of his life.
Shower 2-3 times a week…I was like wow wtf and brush maybe once every few weeks then I stop reading tell him that
I’d suggest he start with a therapist and doctor to make a wholistic plan to tackle his depression/create some motivation and self esteem.
There’s a guy I used to work with, really nice, great singing voice and not bad looking, it’s just that he does have body odour and it really contributed to me saying no to his confession.
He acts like he doesn’t do these things because he doesn’t feel like he should do these things for the ladies. If you keep going down this train of thought… Why work? Why not just be homeless, live in a tent and eat scraps? He’ll find his homeless lady who will love him back…
I don’t believe you can realistically get a human woman in this century without regular showers and brushing your teeth. Maybe a some other primate species will have him.
You can lead a horse to water…
Your friend probably has an underlying mental illness. OP should talk to him about it.
The English hated vikings because the vikings bathed and combed their hair and for some reason that made their own english women absolutely infatuated by the vikings. It’s interesting though that no woman will ever accept rancid onion breath where there is a better choice.
girls might look past his acne, but the rest of it is going to repel most
if he met a girl who had the same level of hygiene as him would he look past it and love her anyway?
remind him that ignoring dental hygiene means that eventually his teeth will rot and he’ll have to get dentures
also point out that you’re his friend and that his personal habits have gotten so bad that you only talk to him on the phone because the stench emanating off him is too much for you to handle, and if you can’t handle it there is no way anyone else – male or female – is going to be able to
I had a friend once who’s boyfriend stopped basic hygiene (showering except maybe once a week, if that, doing laundry, brushing his teeth, wearing deodorant, etc). Even though she loved him, she broke up with him because he refused to start doing that stuff again. Women are not going to “look past” a lack of basic hygiene. I’m sure your friend wouldn’t want to date a girl who lacked basic hygiene. Why should expect others to want to do that?
This is just plain sad. Unless the bar is now in hell, this is an unacceptable level of hygiene to even consider being around. It wouldn’t matter how golden the heart is, I’m not getting close enough to find out. IMO, the biggest turn off is body odor and bad breath, and now you’re throwing in literal shit on top of this. Nope.
Shower & brush teeth daily, AT LEAST!
Wash your clothes and sheets regularly!
Wear deodorant, daily!
ALWAYS wipe your ass, ffs!
These are necessities, not optional extras, for anyone wanting to actually have a relationship. I don’t know any woman who would accept much less than this.
Yeah he’s going to be single until he practices better hygiene lol. Imagine being intimate with someone who smells…
Maybe recommend he bathe more and use a cologne
I don’t get this because I feel grody and nasty if I miss a day of showering and also hygiene is good for your health in general. Can you also help frame it that it’s good for his own benefit as much as finding a date?
His best chance of finding a date is to go back to the 1800’s. Even then he’d probably have to pay for it….
I’ve been on this forum a long time and while I can say there may be a low chance he’ll find a gf being the way he is, I can’t say there is no chance.
I’ve literally seen stories of women talking about their bf being how you describe your bf.
So while he might find someone, the more important thing is to find out why he isn’t doing more. Eg, does he have some kind of medical or mental or personality concerns that would make him be this way?