I’m 22F, never dated anyone. I’ve only had like 3 crushes, 2 of them – i only liked the idea of them which i realized later and the third one i had a chance to be with him but situationally didn’t happen (my friend liked him too)
i don’t have experience when it comes to sex or even kissing (not cause i haven’t had opportunities, i just don’t want to do it unless i see my relationship with someone potentially going somewhere and it hasn’t happened)
But i’m a lover girl at heart. I’ve always dreamt of finding “the one” and ‘til this day want to find my person. And because there’s no one, i daydream a lot and if i like someone and they show interest, even if they don’t put a lot of effort in, i still get so attached. It takes a lot for me to like someone, cause i’m generally very picky. But if i do like them and they show interest back – I might be very aware that they could be lovebombing me, not meaning everything they say but i still have tendency to get my hopes and expectations up, cause it makes me happy to imagine what could be, if things go the way i want them to go. But if they don’t go that way, i end up heartbroken. Even tho i’m always aware of the situation, my hopeless optimism ruins things for me.
I’m talking to someone right now, who i’ve never met and lives on the other side of the world. And odds of us meeting are very low. And if we meet it’ll be on vacation (if we both go at the same time), or if we go to each other’s country. Which we can’t, until winter break or summer, cause we’re both in uni. I’m scared that i’m getting attached to him and that he’ll eventually get bored of texting me. He might find someone there he likes or he might be texting someone else too, how can i know. But i don’t have anyone else that’s around me who i like or that i could see myself with. So it’s like i’m holding on to the only hope i got, that i’ll meet him someday maybe. And the craziest part is that i don’t even know if i’m going to like him in real life 😅 cause, there’s big difference between texting someone and talking to them in real life. I like how he looks, I’ve heard his voice and i like how he talks to me, the way he thinks etc. So basically i created the idea of what he’s like in real life in my head. Hopeless romantic in me has imagined all the scenarios of us meeting and what we would do and stuff like that, so because of that, i got dopamine which made my brain confused and now it has created emotions towards him that might not even be real, but because of what i imagined “potentially could happen in the future”. I know i should stop having expectations, unrealistic hopes and imagining stuff to not end up disappointed, just in case things don’t continue, but i can’t stop it. It’s like i have no control over it, my brain just craves that dopamine.