I (27F) have recently started hooking up with an older guy (44M). We’ve slept together a few times now and it’s been very fun and relaxed. I’ve reassured him I’m not looking for anything serious.
In person, he definitely seems attracted to me and we have fun, even though it’s a casual vibe. However, I’m getting a bit paranoid that I’m forcing something with him and that he’s actually not that interested.
I think this because I’m always the one who tends to reach out first to suggest meeting up/to see if he’s out on the weekend/offering my company. He’ll traditionally be the one to stop replying, and it’ll take me reaching out and initiating again for us to talk. That said, I don’t text him in an overly keen way (I’m quite dry and sarcastic myself).
To clarify, I’m not interested in mindless texting and I only reach out to suggest hanging out. He seems to be quite a blunt texter, which I don’t mind, but I’m just worried that I’m becoming annoying with the frequency at which I initiate messaging him vs him messaging me.
He never ignores me and will always respond, even if he’s busy. I think my mind’s just been very warped by the whole “if he wanted to he would” discourse, because now I’m thinking that if he really wanted to hook up, it wouldn’t have to take me suggesting it every time. Most recently, I messaged and asked him to let me know if he wanted some company in his apartment sometime this week. He replied saying that he’s going away next week and doesn’t have much time for socialising. I replied telling him to have a good time, and he said thanks and that was that. He didn’t suggest anything about hanging out when he’s back, so I don’t know if he’s letting me down politely and it’s an excuse, or if it’s legit.
A friend said that he might just be conscious of our age gap of 17 years, and so is leaving the ball in my court so he doesn’t feel like a “creep”. For context, we met through work, and although we don’t work in the same place he is more senior than I am (obviously) in his career.
My question is, does it seem like he’s just being polite and hoping that I leave him alone, or do older guys tend to be more upfront and honest and if he wasn’t interested he would probably just say? I guess I just assumed that any older guy would quite like the idea of sleeping casually with a younger girl, and find the attention flattering. Should I move on and leave him alone or does it make sense that he’s leaving the reaching out to me?
TL;DR – I (27F) have recently started sleeping with an older guy (44M). I’m the primary instigator of our hookups and am worried I’m forcing myself on someone who’s not interested.