I (17F) have been with my boyfriend (17M) for four years now, since middle school. Both of us are bisexual. I love him so much and can’t imagine a life without him. We’ve been through so much together and I don’t want anybody but him.
But recently I’ve been experiencing these weird feelings towards my best friend (Also 17F). I don’t know if it’s normal platonic feelings or if they’re wrong (as in.. disloyal, because if they are I’d want to distance myself from her for my boyfriend). But every time she touches me, I kind of… wish for more? Not EVER anything like kissing, but I get these strong urges to just drop my head on her shoulder, or for her to keep playing with my hair if she’s braiding it or something, or even little things like if she’s drawing on my arm I don’t want it to end. I feel like I’m not allowed to just do those things, she isn’t a very touchy person, so I try not to make her uncomfortable, but sometimes when we have sleepovers her back touches mine when we sleep and it makes me really happy because I like feeling close to her. But I don’t know if it’s wrong. I’ve always kind of struggled telling apart platonic feelings from romantic feelings.
I’ve only been getting close enough to call her my best friend recently, we’ve known each other since first grade though. She likes girls too and is actually currently going through a breakup, which is only important because I feel like I get the strongest urges to hug her or rest my head on her or pull her into my side when I notice she’s sad over her ex. I’m just really confused, I know it’s obviously okay for friends to want to touch each other, but I don’t know if this is a normal amount of wanting to touch her or not. I always reach for her hair or poke her back in class because I’m always getting whims to just…. touch her.
Maybe it’s natural from me just wanting to feel close to her as my friend, maybe it’s messed up and I should step away. I don’t know. I do feel a lot of guilt regularly about my not being straight, despite being in a long term het relationship, I have a lot of religious trauma that comes into play here too. Just thought I should mention in case I’m coming off as odd or anything… ugh, I don’t know.
TL;DR:
I always get urges to touch my best friend (like dropping my head on her shoulder) and am in a relationship. Is that wrong?
1 comment
It’s a very human thing to want to touch other humans! By nature, we are comforted by touch. This can obviously be different for different people, but aside from trauma and autism usually people feel loved and comforted through touch.
It sounds like you’re being very mindful and observant of your emotions and intentions. I think as long as you stay aware, you can platonically touch your bff with no issues 😊