TLDR—> go to the 4th paragraph

We’ve been together for 3 years and i am sick. I need heart surgery and I am losing hope.

These past weeks he has been extremely mean, annoyed, secretive, and disrespectful towards me. He blames me and says speaking to me feels like a chore. The reason for this is because I was upset at the fact that he chose to have a conversation with a girl who wants to sleep with him, while ignoring me for hours. Also, he deleted chats with some girl.

He started saying i’m the problem and asking what’s wrong with me. I was baffled, and I was thinking maybe my depression and suicidal thoughts are causing me to be a bad girlfriend and being accusatory?

So I decided to tell him. I was terrified because I haven’t told anyone, and I know he isn’t empathetic. I told him I am struggling with suicidal thoughts but not to worry, as I would never do that to my mother and him (and people i love). I mentioned that I might not be able to get surgery as it is too dangerous for me and he said “you should be happy if you died in surgery, do it then” I said “are you really telling me to die?” and he answered “I don’t take suicidal people seriously. If you really wanted to kill yourself, you’d do it”.

This really hurt me, i told him “damn you really don’t love me” and he said “yeah you’re right i don’t love you.” later he told me he said this bc he was mad and he just decided to agree with me so he could end the conversation.

This really discouraged me from telling anyone! Lol


43 comments

  1. Sounds like he wants to breakup but he’s not brave enough to do it himself. So he’s trying to be so horrible that you dump him instead. And he’s probably cheating as well as he’s already checked out of the relationship. It’s kind of becoming the norm these days for younger men.

  3. Yikes. Is this what you think love looks like? I’d be out of there so fast his head would spin. No loving partner should ever encourage you to make an early exit, especially when you’re being vulnerable by sharing those feelings in the first place. Awful.

  4. You’re clinging to a toxic relationship with someone who couldn’t care less if you lived or died. You’re desperate for validation from a guy who told you to kill yourself—what more proof do you need that you’re worth nothing to him? You’re making excuses for his behavior like it’s your fault, but it’s not your depression that’s the problem; it’s your refusal to accept you’re wasting time on someone who actively hurts you. You’re standing on the edge of an abyss, and he’s pushing you closer—are you really going to let him shove you over? The only way forward is to cut him out of your life *now*, because every second you stay is another step towards destruction.

    Why the hell are you still holding on to someone who *literally* told you your life doesn’t matter?

  5. Get rid of him. Nobody alive today has the right to treat you like that and say these things. Don’t give him the satisfaction of finishing it, dump him first. You deserve much better. He sounds like an immature child but worse, a cruel one.

  6. This man is never going to be there for you

    He doesn’t love you, or care about your feelings, and in fact as you’ve started, has no empathy

    He’s a drain on your emotions and energy

    1. Dump his ass

    2. Speak to a trained counsellor about your suicidal thoughts and feelings of no hope.

    3. Try to put out of your mind every dumb nasty thing he said because he’s clearly an immature AH

  7. I hope you realize he is not your person. I’m sorry you are feeling bad. And I don’t want you to die. I don’t know you & truly feel that way. So you see how somebody that loves you should care more than a stranger. You might even physically feel better if he wasn’t in your life. The sooner he is out of your life the better. You know what he is up to. And don’t let him turn his gross behavior in to “you accusing him”.

  9. You’re in an abusive relationship. Do you have anyone to help you leave him?

    I list some of the red flags here maybe it will help figure things out.

    • lovebombing and mirroring: in the beginning they lovebomb you. It means they’re nice, kind and understanding. They may put you on a pedestal and make you feel special. They mirror you, it means they make you believe you have so much in common. You may feel such a great connection after a short time of seeing them. You may even think you fell in love with them after a date or two. They often tell you they “fell in love with you” too soon or they “never met someone like you before”.

    • in the lovebombing phase they may isolate you from your friends or family.

    • they may surround you by their flying monkeys, people who do their bidding and take their side and make you believe you’re the issue.

    • a narcissistic relationship moves fast. You get married or move in together faster than a normal relationship because you’re still in the lovebombing phase and think you found your soul mate.

    • they change over time. At first they were good and kind and took care of you but eventually they change and you may not even notice it.

    • they play the victim.

    • they get angry when things don’t go their way.

    • they gaslight. Pretend something never happened or they make you think what happened didn’t actually happen the way you remember and you are mistaken. This way they confuse you and after a while you doubt your own reality.

    • they belittle you and often pass it off as a joke or pretend they didn’t mean it. If you get offended they say things like “you’re too sensitive.” , “you don’t have a sense of humor”.

    • they don’t keep your secrets. They often let your secrets slip out. They pretend they didn’t mean to.

    • they are hypocrites. Their actions don’t match their words.

    • they future fake. It means they give you empty promises. They promise you something but they will never do it.

    • they DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim, offender). If you confront them they first deny it, they may get angry and try to shift the blame on you. They try to guilt trip you. And then they play the victim, act like you offended them.

    • they have double standards. Different rules for you, different rules for them.

    • they may give you silent treatments when you don’t do what they want.

    • they may threaten you with leaving. If they think you are scared of being abbondoned they might threaten you to make you do the things they want.

    • lack of accountability.

    • they don’t take criticism well.

    • they think they’re always right. They may not say it but they act like it.

    • they often don’t apologize or they give you a fake one. It means they only say they’re sorry but they don’t act like it.

    • a narcissistic relationship can be like a roller coaster. It has ups and downs. You have good days and bad days. Some days they lovebomb you, take care of you but some days they’re the opposite. It’s a cycle.

    • they make you think everything is your fault and you’re the issue and you’re the one who’s ruining the relationship.

    • they are often moody. They have mood swings.

    • they constantly criticize you. They constantly point out your faults and flaws.

    • they may act jealous. They may stop you from doing certain things cause they’re jealous you will receive more attention.

    • some of them may have low self esteem specially coverts and vulnerable narcs so they need validation from you. They can be insecure. They may say things like “i don’t believe anybody can love me”, “i think you don’t care about me”, “i don’t like my body”, “i look ugly” , “no one likes me”. This way they get your admiration and attention.

    • they may fish for compliments.

    • some narcs throw anger tantrums. You may think they have anger issues or they’re just immature.

  10. I hope you know that his disgusting, cruel behaviour has absolutely nothing to do with who you are. If he pursued the other woman you mention in your OP, he’d end up treating her like this, too. This isn’t a special move he’s pulled out because you’re too X, Y or Z. This is how he treats his partner. In all likelihood, this how he will continue to treat his partners, long after you’ve cut him loose and moved on to someone who treats you with respect.

     You are deserving of love, support, health and kindness. Do not let this pathetic person convince you otherwise.

  11. Oh honey…

    Ditch that loser, he’s already cheating on you. You don’t need his bullshit on top of your health worries.

    I’m chronically ill, not terminally but still I get it to an extent. It’s normal to go through periods of depression and anxiety with illnesses like this. You are not alone in feeling suicidal, even if you know you won’t act on it it’s very scary to have your brain telling you you should die.

    It’s easier said than done but try not to let one dickhead prevent you from seeking help and support. Do you know other sick people who could relate to you? Is there a specific doctor you see for your heart problems who might be able to point you towards support groups for people dealing with similar things?

  12. hes taking advantage of you, treating you like shit, because he doesnt think youll leave… you deserve better and you will find better. leave him. this is toxic and you dont deserve this

  15. Firstly, he doesn’t love you and he is cheating on you but thinks he’d be the bad guy breaking up with you whilst you’re so ill. So do yourself a favour and dump him already.

    Secondly, tell people who care about you – family, close friends – about your dark thoughts and get yourself the help you need and deserve.

  17. Hun I am so sorry you are not only dealing with health problems but an absolute bag of shit.
    Please call your mother and get her to come get her baby.
    Please block him and never speak to him again he is not worthy of you. You deserve so much more.
    Please reach out for support. If you can let people know what country and state you are, people may be able to direct you to support services available to you xo

  18. This guy is total trash. You deserve better from yourself than to put up with garbage like that.

    im sorry you’re sick and I hope things turn around for you. I know it took a lot to say to him, but I also wonder if deep down yiu knew he wasn’t going to be supportive. Do you think you can tell your mom? Would she be supportive?

  20. This reminds me of the video going around of the girl who found out she beat cancer and she went to tell her boyfriend and he couldn’t give two fucks, he didn’t even get off his video game to congratulate her or show her be cared

    Your boyfriend straight up said he doesn’t love you. He’s the problem not you

    You’re going through something very serious and very scary. You need family/friends who can support you during this time. If you don’t have that then find support groups

    But no matter what, leave him

  21. Yeah, what everyone else said, get out, he is a shitty person. Lower the stress, that’s what you need, and people around who really care about you

  22. I think he would be happy to be the grieving bf. Narc traits. Trust me, he would tell anyone who would listen he tried ro talk you out of it if you did it.

    Nope, talk to your mom and we’re here. Let it all out. You are scared, probably angry at the unfairness of it all… Tell us, call a helpline & repeat. Anyone who isn’t sympathetic to that, when I can be so far away and still understand, just isn’t worth your time. 

    I am surprised they haven’t offered you hospital counseling services, ask. 24/7 someone’s here… That’s the beauty of the http://www. 

  23. Please leave this AH he’s wanting out of the relationship and figures everyone will hate him because you’re unwell. Don’t take his abuse and dump him. Praying for you to get better 🙏

  26. Girl, he really doesn’t care. Don’t stay with him if he says that “you should be happy if you died in surgery”. I can understand his perspective (don’t agree with it) of not taking ppl with suicidal thoughts seriously, as I have experienced ppl with the same view… but they were talking in a general sense, not towards their partner. He should care that you’re feeling this way, and the fact that he isn’t gives you the grounds to remove yourself from this toxic relationship. Deleting texts and choosing to speak to another girl for hours (over you) who he knows is interested in him is a massive red flag.

  27. Why wound you want to come back from this? Di you live together? Do you have a safe place you can go to? Can you talk to your doctors?

  28. OP, honey, get out of this situation. I’m married to a man who says incredibly mean and hurtful things to me and it’s a living hell. How much I could hear my voice and his in the exchange you typed up here! Please, please free yourself from this. No one deserves it.

    What I find wild about my husband is how he asks me of I truly meant something I said after an argument or if I just said it in anger. In his kind, he thinks the former is a crime and the latter is instantly forgivable.

    He has this backwards. Saying horrible stuff to your SO because you’re angry and want then to hurt is so incredibly toxic and not OK. Don’t accept it. You said it yourself: he’s unempathetic. That will never change.

    I was you. I stayed. I’m 42 with 3 kids and mean-ass husband. I called 988 last night and it took half an hour to talk me through. Despite everything I’ve tried and worked on, it appears I’m headed for divorce anyhow. My future prospects are bleak and my choices are extremely difficult and limited.

    Don’t be me, OP. Get out and go enjoy life as a young person who has so much to offer and to give this world. No relationship is better than a toxic one, and one day, you will look back and think, “Wow, I’m glad I got rid of that guy.”

  33. He has told you and shown you who he is. Now it’s time for you to show him that you have enough self-worth to walk away from this careless jerk!

  34. Why are you still with him after the disgusting things he said? I would genuinely like to know.

  36. He told you the truth. He doesn’t love you. And he’s only going to continue to make your mental health worse. Please please please leave him. Or he is going to push you toward suicide. And please talk to your mother and a Dr. It’s fair to say I felt suicidal when my mom died and while I didn’t express those thoughts to the Dr I did tell him everything short of that. I got on an antidepressant and had some therapy and came out the other side better for it. You’re going through a lot. Don’t allow him to be one more thing to drag you down.

  37. Dump his ass, he’s already looking for someone else to fuck. Why put your health on the line. The stress he is putting on your mental and physical health is not helping you. Please seek out someone that can help you.

  38. Life is literally to short for this. Your sick and around people who literally don’t give a fuck about you. If break up with him and move back to your parents if that’s an option.

  40. Most health problems improve with good psychological support. Mental health is one of the biggest determinators of physical health. Start with dumping his ass. He is bad for your overall health.

    You said when you mentioned your suicidal thoughts that you couldn’t do that to people who genuinely care about you. Please took your own advice and get rid of him as soon possible. You are worthy of love. Spend your time with people who love you eg. your mom. Even your physical health will get better.

    Hope you the best 🙏🏻

  42. Your bf is an abusive POS. You deserve so much better please leave him! Don’t waste your time on this sick f*ck. I don’t know him, but I already hate his guts.

    Please seek help to get away from him, and your mental health. You deserve to be happy and treated right.

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