Recently found out my bf of 3 years was posting on local subreddits, like r4r or m4m, looking for guys to talk to. His posts read like this:
“Engaged straight guy looking for an online twink/femboy to turn me. Someone who wants to message me all the time and take my attention away from my fiance. Someone whos trying to steal me away and make me theirs. I would love someone who’s freaky and wants to try lots of things with me. I love being called daddy and really really love blowjobs and dirty talk. I’m also looking for someone who wants to talk and get to know each other outside of sex too! A bit about me. I’m 6ft3, into basketball, hiking, writing, cooking, watching anime and movies. I smoke weed and love to chill and hang out in nature too. Id love a guy that would be down to turn me.
Looking for twinks and femboys only!! Hairless++ and younger than me. I’m down for you to try and top me but just know it won’t be easy. Still need to be twinky/hairless. So tops deffo welcome long as we vibe, and I’m into you.
Down to meet for head and stuff if we really click”
I confronted him and he broke down and told me he’s sick in the head and this is all his porn addiction. I’ve known about his porn addiction 6 months into our relationship but never really gave it much thought and I think it’s because I didn’t really want to believe it and tried to minimize it. But now after events where I’ve seen that I haven’t been the only one who has been getting his attention, I’ve been feeling gross about it and that I’m just part of his whole porn and sexual addiction.
Anyways, he’s been into guys for sex (could’ve been more for all I know; I can just say for certain that his encounters were sexual) for at least the last 4 years. Apparently these posts were “relapses” and “episodes” of his porn addiction, same with the conversations he had with these guys. I straight up asked him if he’s bicurious and he said he’s not attracted to other guys like that, this is a “messed up porn thing. It’s like every other addiction, to get the same dopamine rush you have to do more and more fucked up stuff. Once I cum I feel like shit and I never enjoy it. I’ve never had any intention to physically meet anyone or touch anyone despite what it looks like on the local subreddit and what my post says. I never look at guys and feel any sort of attraction.” He told me to block adult websites on his phone using a code that only I would know/keep and that he wouldn’t take his phone with him while we’re hanging out and he’s going to the bathroom or something. He would also start going to therapy for the porn addiction and have me sit in on the sessions.
We’ve had an open phone policy for over 2 years and we’ve been sharing our location for the past year so I’m pretty certain he didn’t go out and physically cheat, but I have no idea anymore. If he’s been messaging guys in the same manner since at least 4 years ago, and he’s not into it, why the fuck is he doing the same thing for so long?? There’s no way he doesn’t enjoy it while he writes his posts, responds to the messages, exchanges the pics, and jerks off to the content till he cums. MULTIPLE TIMES OVER THE COURSE OF THE RELATIONSHIP. Sure, I understand the post nut clarity but the keyword is POST. He had fun with what he did in the moment. He’s totally bisexual right? And a nasty cheater? I don’t think porn addiction makes you jerk off to things that wouldn’t normally turn you on, nor does it make you seek out interactions with other people to take away attention from your partner. I don’t think therapy can help with your sexual orientation and cheating behaviour. However I can’t fully understand because I’m not a porn addict. Please help me understand this.