What’s something you wish someone had told you at the very beginning of your first pregnancy journey?

36 comments

  3. 1. Comparison is the thief of joy and worrying about milestones just because you think they “should” be happening will cause you needless stress – like baby movement, or your bump “bumping” or whatever. If in doubt, consult your OB, not the mom group on Facebook. The same applies to the baby outside the womb, talk to your pediatrician rather than stranger moms on the internet. This will save you so much headache. Trust.

    2. Nap as often as you can as long as you can while you’re pregnant. You won’t regret it. Also if you have “alone” activities you enjoy (taking a bath, taking a quiet walk in nature, whatever), do them with enthusiasm.

    3. If you cross the “live birth” finish line there is a very real possibility you are going to lose friends. Be very conscientious of how much you’re talking about pregnancy life and parenthood life with child free people. It can annoy, frustrate, or otherwise alienate them. Take stock in your friendships now and give extra love to those you *for sure* want to keep around.

    4. Save all the money you can. You will need it.

    Edit to add: if you have psychiatric needs that have not been addressed (untreated depression, a history of anxiety, anything that you *could* go to therapy for) get it taken care of asap. Pregnancy chills some people out but *many many many* people go the other way and find that their issues are magnified exponentially while pregnant, postpartum, and in the 4th trimester. I urge you in the strongest possible terms. If you need mental health support, start seeking it now. Have a plan in place as well for PPA/PPD should you need them.

  4. Needing help is not a sign of weakness. People often downplay how challenging pregnancy and postpartum are, and that often leads to new moms feeling like crap about themselves. Hormones intensify any emotion x100.

    I have always been pretty emotionally stable, and I knew logically that I could ask for help, and I still felt like this. Pregnancy and motherhood can be so wonderful but know that it’s normal and okay to not love every part of it, or to feel overwhelmed at times.

  5. All the things you’re so worried about? Breast vs bottle, cloth vs disposable, vaginal vs csection, nuraery themes, what stroller, etc? They dont actually matter. Love your baby, make them safe and fed and dry, don’t hit them or ignore them. Those are the important things. I worried myself sick about every detail, and I have 3 teenagers now and I look back and wish I’d enjoyed it more without all my anxiety.

  6. Breastfeeding is really hard and might not work, and that’s okay, even if it seems like the end of the world at the time. Also, the first couple days and weeks after having the baby you will be on a wild rollercoaster of post partum hormones that make you cry and question everything.

  7. It’s perfectly normal for babies, especially breastfed babies, to wake multiple times a night even after the first year. My dumb ass thought my kid would be sleeping through the night long before that.

  8. You’re assuming they’re going to be healthy—or that everything will be “normal.”

    First febrile seizure at 11 months.

  9. The anxiety you’ll experience is normal, but trust that they’re ok and try and enjoy the journey.

  11. I gave birth at 20 weeks because I dilated early due to a short cervix. My first daughter was too small to go to NICU. She died in my arms. I don’t have any other children at this time. My next pregnancy I have to get cerclage surgery.

    I say all of this to say is to relax, be pampered, and enjoy pregnancy. I was working two jobs and in school. I put too much stress on my body.

  12. Miscarriage may occur. Don’t tell anyone you’re pregnant yet. Don’t be shocked when it (fetal loss) happens. It is better to expect a miscarriage… and be ready for the D+C and trauma…. Than to tell everyone in your life you’re pregnant… and then have to explain that you’re suddenly not.

  13. 1. At some point in your pregnancy you won’t be able to tie your shoelaces
    2. Take all the help you can get after baby is born
    3. Babies like to be moving so they will get restless and grumbly if you’ve been sitting with them too long.
    4. You’ll miss the feeling of the baby moving in your tummy after baby is born
    5. If all you manage to do all day is take care of the baby, and get yourself showered and dressed, you have succeeded
    6. Doing things with/for the baby will occupy everyone in the house, no matter how many people are around
    7. Comparison is the thief of joy. There’s always someone who thinks progressing through stages of development is a race. You do what’s right for you and your baby.
    8. Your own baby is ALWAYS the best

  14. If you’re an older mom, stay off your feet toward the end of the pregnancy. I felt great through my pregnancy and with six weeks left I went on a little vacation with my husband. We walked a long way to a restaurant for dinner, on cement sidewalks, me with heals on and when we got back to the hotel my water broke. I always wondered if I would’ve carried my daughter longer if I didn’t walk around so much that night. Wish we had driven.

  15. Children will be responsible for the most wonderful moments and the most horrific moments of your life.

  16. More of a casual one, it’s normal for you too loose hair after having a baby. It will settle down.

  18. Bring your vomit cup if you have to, but do not stop going on walks (until/unless your provider tells you not to). Gentle activity is still activity and you will regret staying completely sedentary. Even if it’s a short walk, just do it. As much as you can.

    Signed,
    -Someone who delivered a >11lb baby in the worst shape of zer life.

  20. Breastfeeding is not more important than a fed baby. Don’t let people shame you if you bottle feed. It’s actually easier on you because dad can feed the baby, too.

  22. 1. Stay off line. There are so many women telling you how to think and feel in regards to every aspect of pregnancy- from symptoms to interacting with other people. I was adamant that I didn’t want my mom in the delivery room or with me during labor while I was pregnant because of everything I read, but now I wish I had her by my side while I was having contractions.

    2. Your body is going change in ways you didn’t expect or think was possible. I was pregnant during winter and exposed to sick people, and I was so congested it felt like cement was in my nostrils and I could only breathe through my mouth just barely. My right hand doubled in size due to swelling from carpel tunnel. My jaw locked for a week because of pregnancy tmj. I never knew any of this was possible.

    3. You can’t take medicine. Like NyQuil or advil. I was so sick because I was suffering but couldn’t take the typical medicine. Shit, even melatonin when nights were rough.

    4. Labor fucking sucks. I was in labor for three days. I thought I was dying. Fuck people who say it feels like menstrual cramps. I have endometriosis and had three ovarian torsions, and it was the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. I thought I was dying.

    5. You feel like a different human. Like I remember feeling like an alien in my skin almost as soon as I found out I was pregnant because of anxiety and hormones. I’m four months postpartum and I’m barely feeling normal now.

    6. I miss it. I can’t wait to get pregnant again because, for me. The bad isn’t even a drop in the ocean compared to the good. I miss his kicks. I miss feeling him turn. I miss the almost primal feeling of being pregnant. It’s hard to explain.

  23. Just because I got pregnant at 19 doesn’t mean I deserved to be treated badly by everyone.

    She was a birth control baby so I was already devastated and literally traumatized that it happened. Everyone was so disappointed in me, doctors and nurses were judgmental, strangers were judgmental, it was rough.

    If I were to support someone who was in my position, I would just give them love and grace. It happened, there’s no going back, you already hate yourself enough, why would I add onto the hate?

    On a side note, now that she is 5 and doing great, and I’m doing great and about to graduate from college, everyone who was awful acts like they knew I would do great all along.

    They keep asking when more kids are coming and I’m like yall literally added to the trauma I went through. I’m not looking forward to getting pregnant again, if ever maybe.

  24. Take care of yourself, it’s really easy to lose yourself to giving everything to a new baby. Babies feed off of your energy, if you’re scared, anxious, stressed, or depressed, do something about it! If you need a break, find a way to take one. If you need a therapist, make the time. A happy parent raises a healthy, happy baby.

  25. It’s better to educated on your birthing options (pain management, induction, c-section etc) and have preferences than it is to go in with a “plan”. The only plan that actually matters is your baby’s plan, and you might find yourself upset or disappointed if your birth plan didn’t go the way you hoped, be informed, have preferences, but be flexible. There’s no trophy for going unmedicated so only do that if you genuinely want to.

    No one plans to have an emergency c-section, so make sure you know what to expect if it happens to you. I did not anticipate needing one and when I did need one I was not prepared for it emotionally or physically.

    Third trimester sleep is way worse than newborn stage sleep, so if you’re exhausted in the third trimester and everyone says “it’ll be worse when baby gets here” or “you’ll never sleep again” just pay them no mind. I found my interrupted sleep during the newborn stage was way more restful than the terrible sleep I had when 8 months pregnant

    Babies are lots of work but every time you see them smile or hear them laugh it’s all worth it ❤️ they’re awesome and tons of fun.

  26. I really wish someone had warned me how truly terrifying the hormones would be after the birth. Horrific, will never do that again!

  27. I wish someone had told me to block certain words and phrases on tiktok or other social media platforms. I was convinced I was going to lose my baby because it was all over my for you pages.

  29. You will feel like a failure a lot more than you ever expected. And I don’t think it ever really goes away. There’s always something.

  31. How much you feel like 💩.

    When I got a positive test at 5 weeks, I quit all my psych meds cold turkey when I probably shouldn’t have lol. Now I’m at 11 weeks and I just feel eh. (A few weeks later, when I was able to contact my psychiatrist he told me to quit the meds anyways and that I could get back on the anti depressants of my depression came back and got bad. But TBH I prob won’t get back on meds for the pregnancy because I’m paranoid and I really hope the baby doesn’t inherit my depression).

    I’ve been distant with friends, isolating, more irritable, and sometimes I feel like my depression is trying to come back but I don’t feel sad but just eh and disinterested. One of my BFFS I’ve distanced myself from her because tbh, her life is always in shambles especially her relationships and I just don’t have the energy to deal with her or her poor decisions and being the “therapist” which makes me feel bad but I don’t want to blow up on her either.

    Or how your brain breaks. It’s been really hard because I’m a creative writing student, I need to write. I should be writing. But my brain is not working. (But I can’t quit/take a break from school because $$$. I use the GI Bill and it’s already paid for, I’d have to pay the money back).

    Or getting up and throwing up stomach acid (or water) because the baby is upset that you had the audacity to wake up lol.

  32. Nobody talks about the first two weeks after, especially 24 hours after, and how much bleeding and pain is associated with your uterus shrinking down.

  33. Stop reading all the books about pregnancy and read all the books about baby and toddler care before you’re too tired to do so. It’s only easy to say this after the fact, but we overcomplicate pregnancy.

  34. First trimester is about survival. Focus on nutrition and staying active when you can. Get medical advice from your doctor or midwife, not the internet. In the second trimester if you’re lucky enough to feel better you can focus more on planning, setting up the nursery, and SAVING MONEY. I recommend setting up a high yield savings account with sinking funds for vehicle maintenance, travel, holiday/birthday gifts, and acts of God. And an HSA if you’re eligible. And a 529 if you can. Third trimester, soak up those last child free moments. Do fun stuff if you’re up for it. Also, people are gonna give you 50,000 baby blankets that you won’t actually want to use cause sleep sacks are better. They make good polishing rags.

    The fourth trimester is the hardest time. Prioritize rest. Step away for a minute if you need to. Learn to eat while breastfeeding. Ask your partner, parent, friends, or whom ever for support and be specific. If they offer to help ask them to make meals or clean the house while YOU hold the baby. Enjoy those snuggles while you can.

  35. Having diarrhea for 2 months straight is not uncommon. Your feet can grow up to a whole size and never go back to normal- same with your boobs. You’re hungry all if the time but can’t eat much in one sitting because you have a tiny human sitting in your abdomen so you eat a little and then are so full you feel sick and then you’re starving again 20 minutes later.

  36. I wish someone could have warned me about how hard it really would be. That it would be several years before I ever got a full night’s sleep again. That I would be unhappy quite a lot, but it would get better. That everything would be ok in the end. I really was naive. I knew it would be hard going, but I was clueless as to the combined effect of years of missing sleep, babies that cried A LOT, and the lack of a supportive husband. I honestly felt like I wasn’t going to make it at some points.

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