I think I might just be clueless when it comes to socializing. When I get to places where there's a lot of people I just keep to myself or stay close to someone I know. It feels like there's a specific equation or code that everyone knows that just wasn't programmed in my head. Unless you talk about something I care about, I don't necessarily care to talk, but will respond if spoken to. I hate small talk, it just feels like a waste to me for some reason. If I'm ever engaging in conversation (miraculously), the moment physical contact is made I no longer care about what we talk about, and am more concerned about why you just touched me unprovoked.
I don't find most people intriguing or interesting enough for my brain to be like, "oh boy, I gotta know you". My brain just tries to observe and figure out the behavior of people, and then get lost in the irrationality and the exaggeration and mislabeling of things. I honestly end up seeing people as things that just fill up space sometimes, or like pest for some reason. But when drunk, I can talk and yap with anyone who'll lend me an ear.
I just find that most people seemingly trust with no real basis of evidence that what someone says has any weight to it, so it seems like people only blind themselves to their own delusions, and I'm almost grilled because I'm "paranoid", I just don't like to blindly trust. Any ideas?