MY [31M] abusive girlfriend [30F] left and won't talk to me.
Hello,
I have known this girl for a while, but we started seeing each other March 2023. We met for dates a few times that year, as she is a flight attendant and we live in different countries. When we started dating we talked about a serious relationship leading to a family, and we would talk about that a lot. (I.e. how many children, where to live, etc.)
Fast forward to 2024, I get an internship where she lives and I am able to spend the summer there. She was initially very excited about it, but at some point her excitement started to die down, and she started saying that "she only wanted us to be friends". I think there was probably someone else she was seeing and that didn't work out. I confront her about this situation and she says that she does want to see me, and that she does want me in her life, so I move for the internship. We live in different places at this time.
From the moment I arrive, things are off, though. Her 12 year old dog passed away on the same day I arrived and as I am consoling her, she again insists that "she only wants friends". I tell her that if she wants that then I would leave, as that is not what I want. We meet a few more times, but she is very adamant on this friendship thing so I stop talking to her.
A few weeks later, she reveals to me that she was fired from her job, and that she needs a place to stay until she can leave or find a new job. I tell her that I am not interested in her as a friend, and that I cannot take her in if those are her intentions. She assures me that she was just going through a lot with the dog and the job, and didn't have her mind in the right place. But that I am important to her and that she wants to be with me.
She moves in, and although the first day or two are pretty good, with her even taking care of the apartment and helping with groceries and cooking, she suddenly turns for the worse. In just a couple of days she starts belitting me, calling me fat and ugly. She does apologize and has "good moods" where she treats me better. But, after we have sex, she gets even worse. At this point she is physically assaulting me. One time I had to make a phone call and she takes the phone from me, and starts hitting me with it. Mind you, this happened in a mall in front of a crowd of people. She said she didn't want me talking to other girls. Later, when going back home, that I asked her about it she said she doesn't care about who I talk to or other girls in my life.
This situation continues and escalates. At one point she took a pair of scissors, and threatened to stab me because I had touched her butt right after we were done having sex.
After all of these happens, I give her some money (she is broke) and she decides to return to her mother's house in a third country that I was also going to visit later on.
The week after she moves out we talked daily and she says that she misses me, that is sorry about the way she treated me, and that misses me in her life. At this point, I still had some of her belongings so I planned to get to her.
The week after that one, we don't talk at all, and when I call later in the week she acts very strange. She would be ignoring my questions and not really having a conversation with me. As if she didn't want to talk to me. She asks me for some more money, as she wants to start school again, but I tell her I cannot (I do have a job, but I can't pay for college). I confront her about it, and she just storms; calls me very ugly names, and closes the call. After this, I would never talk to her again.
I tried reaching out via email, text message, but to no avail. I am blocked everywhere and she will not talk to me. I eventually reached out to her mother, and gave her their belongings, but again, she wouldn't talk to me. I tried calling the mother a few more times, but she asked me to not call anymore.
I am honestly in a very bad spot. I feel severely neglected and abused, and I am upset. I just don't understand why she would treat me so poorly. I helped her as much as I could. She didn't have any friends left, so I was the only person that showed up and helped her after she got laid off.
I do not think I ever deserved that treatment. I never raised my voice, neither did I call her inapproriate names, or in any way was violent or threatening towards her. The day she left for her mother's, she asked several times to try to find a way to stay together, she said she wanted me in her life and that she didn't want me to be mad at her.
I am right now devastated. I know I do not deserve to be treated that way, but I cannot help but to feel frustrated. I wish I could talk to her and get an explanation, but she won't flinch to any attempt at reaching out. I feel that if I could talk to her I could find a way to get her on the good side.
How can I move on with my life? Would more time do any good? Is it a good idea for me to try to get back with her? What is a possible reason for her behavior? Have you ever met someone in a situation like mine?
TL;DR – Girlfriend was abusive towards me, I still miss her and wish she could talk to me.