It’s been a rough year, and it’s still just as hard
March 2023, my girlfriend of 8 years broke up with me, and it just crushed me. I sunk into a depressive state for about 6 months. I felt like I had nothing anymore, I hated my job, my relationship with my family was practically non-existent, my friend group was running thin because of everyone moving away and starting a life and/or family for themselves. So I decided I needed to just pack my shit up and move away.
I had a friend in another state who offered up a spare room in his home, and I took him up. I wrestled with the idea because, even though I didn’t feel very connected with where I was living, it was still home. I had told myself this would be good for me. I’d have a change of scenery and it would help me heal and work on myself after such a heartbreaking breakup
I landed in my new home, and things were starting to fall in place. I was a month into my moving away…and my mom had a stroke. I packed up and flew back home for two months, to be with my mom, my dad, my siblings, and the rest of the family. I came back here and it’s been a struggle. My mom’s had a couple of scares since then, needing to be admitted to the hospital. I’ve stepped up to help with admin and insurance, and it’s honestly just so stressful. I know I’m not there in person, dealing with the day-to-day caregiving but having to sit on the phone with insurance and asking questions and figuring out what my mom is and isn’t eligible for, it’s so draining.
I’m closing in on a year since I moved away, and I’m still struggling so much. A football game just came on, at the restaurant where I’m having lunch, and my ex’s college team is playing and i just had a flashback to simpler, nicer times of watching games together and just being happy.
I haven’t even been able to address the breakup because I’ve been so focused on dealing with my mom. I haven’t spoken with my ex in a year and a half. I’ve paused my therapy sessions because they were getting expensive and my bill was just piling up. I’m still working on paying it off.
I’m just dealing with a triple-dose of grief and I’m trying really hard.