So, a bit of background information…
I (30F) have been out of work for the past 2 years because of social and task related ineptitude of which I'm trying to gain disability for. But as of right now my husband (30M) is the sole breadwinner between the two of us.
We've discussed off and on about kids and I have expressed that I want to eventually while he was uncertain for a while but recently told me that after giving it some thought he doesn't think he'd be capable of the responsibility that comes taking care of a baby. Though the biggest factor for him is the financial requirements to do so just isnt feasable for us right now.
My husband and I have a great sex life, we are quite compatable and listen to each others needs and kinks and there's a deep love that binds our hearts and souls together.
We started out as high school sweet hearts timid-yet-curious about sex to maturing into a devoted, sex positive couple.
We started being very cautious at 19 by using both condoms and the pill (which I'm on for PCOS. I take it every day but the hour varies.), and having him pull out before he finishes…–basically any precaution we could take to avoid getting pregnant young. Then, when we got married, we became a bit more relaxed and started going sans condom at the beginning of our activities and then having him cover before we get too into it. At first we did this while still having him pull out for safety, then eventually we began growing comfortable with him finishing inside me with the condom on. (I'm on the pill the entire time still).
All this to lead up to the main problem…
A few days ago we started getting frisky and he tells me that he fantasized and thought about what it would be like to cum inside me without the condom on…
I had mixed feelings because on one hand I'm curious too and want that close bonding experience… but I also grew concerned about the draw back of the potential for pregnancy.
So we both agreed the risk outweighed the curiosity and used a condom (and the pill) as usual.
But now my mind keeps thinking about it and I really want us to experience that level of intimacy, but I don't want to trap him with a baby he may not be ready for. (He's assured me if something happened that was unplanned, we'd figure it out, but I still would feel guilty in the process). And I'm trying to go about this in a responsible way and not playing into the stereotyped welfare mamas with my disability (which WFM sucks as a stereotype btw).
Is there any hope, or will we have to resign ourselves to keeping things as they are?