So me and my partner have been together for a few years and we met at our workplace and been together ever since (no one else knows at the company). We just clicked straight away, had a connection and we talk non stop. She says she loves me but struggles to show her affectionate side due to her complicated past. She is really pretty but struggles with self confidence and doesn’t find herself attractive but she’s really bubbly and gets along with everyone. She does receive a lot of compliments from females but feels people are just being nice.
We share the same interests and values she also hates when anyone talks to me and gets really jealous. This is because we work with majority women and have been told by numerous people I’m good looking which she hates. We get along with all our colleagues and we have a good friendship circle, in the friendship group I have a friend who’s not attractive but is a big flirt with everyone at our place. He doesn’t know we’re together and he flirts with her like everyone else and she would play along I never found it an issue because we used to laugh it off and I know she would never go there because he’s a known flirt and will literally flirt with anyone.
However after some time apart I started to see this as a red flag because she claims to be reserved, modest and hates any attention but her behaviour towards him made me feel put off because she was enjoying it and liked the attention probably because it gave her the boost in her confidence. I called her out on it saying it makes me question her character because just imagine he was actually attractive would she entertain it and would she like it if I have done that? I gave her an example that another co worker fancied me and once I found out I distanced myself completely. She agreed what she done was wrong and that it was out of character and she would no longer do that. She goes she’s only loved me and finds me really attractive etc and can only see herself with me.
However a few weeks ago a new person has started and he is very good looking and built but a lot younger then us. Before colleagues used to compliment me loads and now since this guy has started, the women at our place are fawning over him and she has told me what the other co workers have been saying. I told my mate what the other coworkers are saying about this new guy and basically said are you sure she’s not saying it and that she’s not exactly “wifey” material saying I wouldn’t want her as my wife because of how bubbly and friendly she is with men. It really triggered me and I didn’t wanna tell her but it was really eating me up and I eventually did tell her. She obviously got really upset saying she wished she didn’t do that and is never going to talk to him again basically breaking up our friendship circle. I felt really bad but we tell each other everything and I couldn’t hide it from her and basically highlights how it made her look.
Now my issue is, she’s going to be working with this new guy at least once a week and she is a really friendly and bubbly character but I’m worried the same thing might happened again where the joking becomes flirting (basically how me and her ended up together in the first place) but the difference is, he is really good looking. I can see him liking her and getting along the only thing is he is 8 years younger then her and she called him a baby.
I really don’t know how to handle the situation, shall I act like I don’t care and I’m not threatened because she does see me as this really confident guy. I do have more going for me in terms of career, finances, same interests, personality, relationship with each other, the connection and our time together, we have shared a lot about our personal selves, that we haven’t told anyone.
Or shall I warn her and say I don’t want her getting close to him especially because of what happened before, also they haven’t exchanged numbers yet because there is literally no need to at all, we have had a few people come and go in that position and people haven’t really talked to them or got their numbers. But I know she can be overly friendly. So if she does get the number shall I just end it knowing full well she’s done it because she’s wanting something more.
I really don’t know what to do because if I do this I’m worried it will make me look weak and she has never seen that side to me which might put her off. Also makes me wonder are women that shallow, like will she jeopardise what we have over just looks?
Any advice will be great because this has been really bothering me and playing on my mind. Thanks In advance.