Hi everyone. I’m in high school and there is this person in my grade who I had 1 or 2 classes with last year and he would talk to me and say hi. I was always kind in response, but would never start a conversation, or really show any signs that I’m interested in getting close with him. I would pretty much just respond then say something like “sorry I gotta get back to my work”
He’s nice but I don’t really like him, as his jokes are offensive and he seems a bit cocky. This year he has been asking me to hangout a lot, and I’ve kept on saying no but he doesn’t seem to get the message. Just for context, he has high functioning autism (he told me this) so I’m not sure how much that has to do with it. He also seems kinda emotionally unstable and has had some incidents in class.
For these reasons I really don’t want to be rude to him and make him upset. I try to tell him I can’t hangout or don’t want to, but he insists on trying again. I’ll even say something like “this month is very busy for me I won’t be able to this month” or something explicit like “I’m grounded for the next two weeks I can’t hangout” and then next week he asks again. One time I said “I don’t really hangout with people outside of school sorry” then literally the next day he asked to hangout.
This has been going on for like a month and I feel very bad, but I really don’t want to hang out with him. Does anyone have any tips for what to say?
I’ve even made excuses that honestly seem kinda fake so that maybe he would get the disinterest. For example, one time I was hanging out with people and he invited himself over and I said “sorry my mom only allows 3 people in the house at once”.
Any help is greatly appreciated.
5 comments
What do you want us to say? Just say no and leave. For good measure, punch his lights out. Maybe you should move to Mars to lose him for good. Not much to this tbh
You are looking for a way out of saying a firm “No” but you wont find one. I know it sucks. It sucks a lot. But you have to be strong and say “I am not interested in hanging out, you are making me uncomfortable. Please stop.”
If this is unacceptable, I’d like to know why so we can help navigate
Hello! It can be hard for some people to take social hints. I know I struggle with this too. If you really want to make sure he knows it’s best to find a place and explain bluntly that you don’t have anything against him but are not interested in hanging out
I guess the “chickenshit” way would be to agree to hang out with him then flake last minute or just not show up and not say way, after a few times he should stop asking but that’s a shitty thing to do to someone even if you find them annoying.
I think its better if you’re honest and just say “bro you’ve asked me every week to hang out and I always say no, have you ever wondered why? I just don’t like your vibe so I’m not interested in chilling with you like that.”
It sounds like you’re already saying no. If you’re worried about him lashing out if your No is more firm, maybe try to talk to your guidance counselor or teacher about him? It would be good for there to be some record of this anyways.
Also, I know we are conditioned to smile out of politeness, but STOP smiling at him. When you see him, when he speaks to you, when he asks you to hang out. Tell him no, and don’t smile or apologize.