My personality is so unattractive

22 comments

1. Gotta start somewhere.

2. Do you have money? Travel.
   You don’t? Get a job.
   Are you ugly / looking bad? Go to the gym. That’s cheating for the boys’ attractiveness.

   Going abroad will open your mind, and you could find yourself attractive in other regions like Latam or Asia, giving you a lot of confidence.
   Working and working out will push you to have habits and schedules, that will help you with your laziness.

3. Recognizing is the very first step. Sounds like you are looking to change, and that’s a very good thing. Developing confidence takes a lot of time. I was in a similar position for quite a while.

4. cope on the last sentence 😹

5. I understand how you feel. It’s easy to be your own harshest critic, but remember that everyone has their own insecurities and challenges. Being quiet or shy doesn’t mean you lack value—sometimes it just means you have a different way of connecting with people. Self-improvement is a journey, and it’s okay to take it at your own pace. There’s no single formula for attractiveness or worth, and what matters most is how you treat yourself and others.

6. At least you’re aware. Maybe start off with some shadow work. You need to gain some confidence. Running everyday or going to the gym will build you so much confidence and not just that but mentally strengthen your brain. You need grounding. You mentioned that you’re “lazy” and “unambitious”. I’m going to assume that you’re an over thinker?? i could be wrong. But you should try some self love guided meditations. Youtube has tons of these and, let me just tell you that if you’re consistent with these meditations they will work. You honestly you can just feel the difference after a couple meditations. It never hurts to try!! you should also look in to exposure therapy. try to do things that you normally wouldn’t do like saying good morning to your neighbor or spark a small talk with the cashier. Ever since i started doing little things like that i’ve gained confidence and comfort in my own body. Not only and i’m learning and gaining new social skills but im also learning how to deal with rejections. Not every cashier is going to want that small talk or have the best attitude. And that’s okay. Is that going to stop me from small talking other cashiers? No . you must work on your self and love your self before you can love anyone else. It will be a tough relationship if you don’t fix the issues you battle eternally. best luck to you!!

7. id recommend to take a first step. for example, try to fix your laziness by setting small goals or finding a reason to to things ur too lazy for. to lazy to clean ur room? remind urself how nice itll feel when its clean. a tidy room automatically improves ur mood. to lazy to study or do paper work? remind urself that ur doing this for ur future goals. ur first thought to fix urself shouldnt be girls. it should be yourself bc it will make you feel happier because youre always surrounded by yourself and always being surrounded by someone you dont like is draining. but luckily the person ur constantly surrounded with is urself, which is the only person u can actually change to ur liking. try to see urself from an outside perspective and practice to become the person you want to be, like creating a cool character for a book or movie. dont give up, you got this

8. Sensitivity is a good thing! It means that you’re primed to notice. You’ve identified what you dont enjoy feeling like. “The best time to plant a fruit tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” There’s another quote that made a difference for me. “He not busy being born is busy dying.” Like others said, you have to start somewhere. Try making you bed every day for a week. You have to rebuild your trust with yourself that you will do what you set your mind to. Have grace with yourself along the way. Be a thing make-happener. Once you’ve proven to yourself you can make a difference, you will

9. I’m a girl and I struggle with a lot of these things.

10. Recognizing it, it itself makes you attractive.

11. Hit the gym…all that is a sign of extreme comfort. A knife doesn’t get sharper without being beat up by a knife sharpener. A diamond doesn’t look nice until it suffered the pain of being uncomfortabley molded into a nice diamond. If you truly care. Its time to take actions that make you feel uncomfortable. Say hi to cashiers, make YouTube videos to grow to love yourself and image, walk to work if possible. Ect. If you bubble yourself up. You’ll never know what you really are. Every person is an eagle that thinks it’s a baby chicken. No matter how you look or are. You can change for the better.

12. find a lazy, unambitious, shy, introverted girl. think about it, you guys could just go to bed together and never get out!

13. ### to begin to recover your self-esteem; self-esteem basically is the acknowledgment of your unconditional dignity no matter what condition is as a human being, you have measures value and we are all equal in value.

    ● learn to have self respect. That’s why you pick the right and healthiest lifestyle you can learn about, and the right people and you stay away from self-destructive conducts and substances, that is having self-respect.

    You don’t have to worry about the risk factor because when you learn new arts, trades, crafts or tasks you’re given what’s called a mental tool to achieve these and you will no longer be at risk cuz you’ll know what to do when problems arise as you perfect yourself in an new talent to be.

    We think Nature has to made us “gifted” are those people who are naturally successful, they have a secret ; but everybody who successful has some kind of secret, it’s never by Nature alone but by cultivating the crude potential that’s in us like formless chaotic clay we form ourselves. You seem to be somebody who takes shame in being an unformed clay but we all were unformed clay at one time. Don’t take shame in that, seeing what you’re not is the beginning to see what you can do. Right now, you were able to describe your dilemma to us and that should mean something.. I know it’s small but all the greatest successful people start small.

    Sure, nature sets the limit, but always take pride in which you can do in life, what potential you may have in life and cultivate yourself within that and enrich yourself in with what you know is within your reach and cultivate your self in what you do know.

14. What a wake-up call to read all this and relate to every single thing you judt described as “unattractive”

15. To be honest, I think it’s important to “find your pack” so to speak. Sex is so epitomized, like it’s necessary to function or to be happy but it isn’t necessary.

    I will say that here’s the conundrum: for as long as it’s necessary, it isn’t likely.

    It won’t be necessary once you have other things that are just for you that fill you up.

    Take up interests, specifically solo ones that require no one else but you but build up your sense of pride.

    Then toss in other interests and see about bonding with others of the same interests.

    Even for the socially awkward, there are nerdoms. There is apparently virtual DND. There are virtual spaces like this one.

    Solo travel definitely. I do that and half the time, I get “adopted” by a group. Now, I’ve gotten so used to it, it’s even easier to walk up to people and start a conversation with a question about something about them I’ve noticed when traveling. Why? Because I’ll never see them again unless I want to. Keep social media means of gaining those contacts but it’s totally valid to get used to doing this in circumstances where any humiliation stays behind you when you leave. Outdoor rec or other group activities while traveling is great. Ziplines. Rafting. Etc.

16. People have already left some good advice but I will add that you should write a list of things that ARE good about you. It’s hard to switch mindsets, and it’ll take a long time, but a positive outlook makes a huge difference!

17. Okay, so you’ve pointed out quite a few things you don’t like about yourself. Now I challenge you to make a list of all the things you like about yourself. Hone in on those skills. Focus on your strengths. Your weaknesses will improve along with it. You are valid. You are worth it.

18. “What girls like” – please stop thinking of us as some manner of hivemind. We all have different tastes and interests. The only thing even close to a common ground on this topic is that girls wants a man that provides for himself and that takes care of his home and himself, because that means that we won’t have to become his new mother. You don’t need the most well paying job or a big fancy house, you just need A job, A home that does not look like a dumpster and be able to make your own food and do your own laundry. Aka be a grown up.
    Aside from that, womens tastes come in all shapes and sizes.

    Fitting into “what girls like” is not the point of life, nor is having a girlfriend. You need to become decently happy on your own and learn to fend for your own physical and mental well being before you start even thinking about having a relationship. Find hobbies and interests and engage with them for your own sake. That in turn will make you attractive to someone.

19. Seems like guys should care about those things, too. Anyway, I would ask yourself what you were hoping to accomplish or gain from this post, because otherwise you would not have posted it.

20. Sometimes our self- esteem can be impacted because we see where we would like to measure up but are not delivering. It can be helpful to pick a few things to slowly work on as when you succeed, you’ll have a new appreciation for yourself in that area. And then from there you just keep building and progressing. Also, everyone has some good characters and gifting. What are those things? Are you kind, generous maybe? Can you draw well or have some hobby you are good at? Lean into those things. But ultimately remember you have inherent worth. All these other things are add on’s. Also, there are girls who are totally into shy guys 🙂 I’ve fallen for a few myself. So don’t let that discourage you. Work on you and start learning to appreciate the things you are already bringing to the table. Don’t give up! You got this!!

21. swear, I’m the king of thinking about standing up for myself… and then doing absolutely nothing. One day, maybe.

22. Be resourceful … Some girls like quiet guys …