Throw away account, because this is too personal…
I(35F) am on the verge of a nervous breakdown after a long term manipulative relationship. We were together for 3.5 years. The entire time he(43M) was living with his wife while “going through a divorce” which took a long time because of “division of assets” and taxes and blah blah. He was worried about not living with his kids and being an absent father and adding a monthly rent to the financial strain of the divorce. He didn’t want to go from owning a home to renting. All of these things I have never experienced so I tried to be patient and understanding and compassionate of a situation I could not fully understand. He broke up with me a week before I moved to the same city as him, but continued texting and talking to me in the same way as before. I slept with someone else during this period and he guilted me tremendously, saying that I ruined our progress and we weren’t fully broken up and we were working things out. I took the bait and the guilt. Put up with his situation for longer than I would have without that. He made promises of us getting married if we could get through it. That period lasted about a year, until my patience was up and demanded he move into his own apartment. He told me he was looking. He told me he found a place and moved some of his stuff in, but there were issues with it, so he wasn’t sleeping there. He gave up that apartment after 2-3 months. I never saw it. He sent me a photo of it one time. We looked at houses together for him to rent. He never moved into one, and then I gave up and ended it. A few months later, something about it wasn’t sitting right with me (obviously) and I ordered a real estate record from the county recorders office. I found out he had sold his house he had for the duration of our relationship and had bought a twice as expensive house WITH HIS WIFE the same month he was looking at houses with me. They were both named as tenants on the document “as husband and wife”, and there was a receipt of the tax cost of the home transferred to them. This man convinced me to spend more money than I should on various things always saying he would help me if I needed it. He gave me $3k total over a year, but I am now about to declare bankruptcy because the purchases I made under his influence totaled around 12K and the industry I work in is having an apocalypse and there is very little work. He said he would love to have a kid with me. I am now almost 36, not seeing anyone and traumatized, so the chances of finding a partner to have a kid with in the next few years seems slim. He is obviously doing very well with the purchase of his $2M new home with his wife and two kids. I am absolutely broke, heartbroken, and mentally fucked after all of this manipulation. I want to find my way out more successful, happier, and healthier than him, but I feel too broken to do anything and it feels like an impossible task to go from where I am now to being even more financially better off than him. Especially, considering his impressive talents of lies and manipulation. I am more depressive, compulsively open and honest, and he is a non stop hustling con man. How can I beat him?
I have been reflecting on and criticizing myself for falling for it and sacrificing my own well being for promises of a better future with a man I thought I knew and loved. I ignored the red flags. I know these things. So no need to point that out to me. Thank you.
TLDR; Recently found out that I was the other woman after 3.5 years of being deeply manipulated and gaslit. How do I come out of this better and healthier than a much more wealthy and powerful man?