My husband '28M' and I '28F' have been married for 7 years and recently had our first baby, who's now 3.5 months old. I’m currently a stay-at-home mom, and while I love my husband—he works hard, is loving, and all that—I feel like the entire mental load of caring for our baby is falling on me.
I feel like I can’t trust him fully when it comes to caring for our baby, which makes me feel stuck at home all the time. I can't even leave the baby with my husband to do something like go to the beach or shopping because it seems like he prefers to be on his phone, watching streams, or gaming instead of fully engaging with the baby. For example, when he holds the baby, he barely rocks him, just tiny movements that do nothing to soothe him. If the baby wakes up when I'm in the shower, instead of trying to lull him back to sleep, he just brings him back into the living room.
This weekend, I went out with my mom for less than two hours. I left enough breast milk for two feeds and updated my husband on when we were coming back. When I got home, I found that he had given the baby a bottle of breast milk, but then, when the baby got fussy, he fed him formula instead of warming up another bag of breast milk. Our baby has been having stomach issues recently, so formula should really be a last resort. Plus, he didn’t put the breast milk back in the freezer, so it went to waste. Which made me feel kinda infatuated knowing how much effort it takes for me to prepare any supply.
Whenever I try to talk to my husband about this, he brushes it off, saying things like, “I think I’m doing great.” I feel like he’s not hearing me and doesn’t understand that the baby needs his full attention when he’s caring for him.
I’m starting to feel bound to the house because I don’t trust him to handle things properly on his own. What should I do to make him understand how important it is for him to be more attentive and involved when he’s with our baby?
TL;DR My husband (28M) and I (28F) have a 3.5-month-old baby, and I’m feeling overwhelmed as a stay-at-home mom. I can't trust him fully with the baby since he often seems distracted and dismisses my concerns. I feel stuck at home and need advice on how to help him be more attentive and involved in our baby's care.