Previous post:-
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1em4j2a/update_fianc%C3%A9e_doesnt_want_to_introduce_me_or_let/
So it's been a month roughly I posted my question about the weird behavior of my fiancée and her lying about her mother being dead. Today I thought of posting a small update regarding the entire situation because a lot of you have been asking me for this.
After discovering that her mother was still alive, I was shocked for a few days. But gradually, I started to feel better, although I was still eager to understand if I had done anything wrong, especially because I had seen both the good and bad sides of her. Now that some time has passed and I can think more clearly (though I do miss her at times), I reflect on what I know about her. She is someone who is naturally very compassionate and has shown great kindness towards animals, adopting or helping several street animals during the three years we were together. I've seen her experience happiness, sadness, and vulnerability. I've seen her good sides, but she has also been very harsh in her feelings towards my community, language, my parents, and even me. She clearly did things that were wrong, like discouraging interaction with her friends and lying about her mother being dead, among other things.
Also she lied to me another time in the past, which I consider the second biggest lie after the story about her mother's death. This happened one night when she arrived in my city a day earlier than planned from her village home. I found out because I had been calling her repeatedly. She said she wanted to surprise me, but we didn’t end up meeting that day because she asked me not to come over, claiming she was tired and feeling unwell. Later that night, I called her multiple times, but she didn’t pick up. The next morning, I went to her flat and discovered she wasn’t there. A few hours later, she called me from a friend's phone and explained that she had gone to her friend's house because her friend's boyfriend had come to stay, and the watchman wouldn't allow another guy in the flat. So, they pretended to be family relatives to cover it up. I forgave her for lying that time and chose to trust her again. In hindsight, it was another significant lie—the second biggest lie during our entire relationship, the fake mother's death still being the first.
About 7 or 8 days ago, I noticed her repeatedly posting WhatsApp updates about how she was treated badly by me, how she was subjected to loneliness, and how I broke up with her. During that time, I attended a party with some guys and girls, and I saw her posting stories that directly defamed me, even though we had already broken up and I had every right to socialize with whomever I wanted. That day, I messaged her after seeing her status updates—partly because I was angry about what she had posted and partly because I wanted to know the real reason behind her lie about her mother's death. She responded with a lengthy message, but to summarize, she listed the following reasons—
1)she said she lied about her mother being dead because her mother never got her due respect in the past relationship, her ex probably never let her stay at her mother's village house for more than 2 days,
2) her ex bf was roaming around in the city with other girls and probably even cheated on her while her mother was in the hospital
3) she thought her mother would get proper respect if she lied about her mother being dead like her expired father who is treated respectfully after his death according to her.
None of the reasons she gave seemed serious enough for me to believe. I pointed out that about 90% of her reasons were related to her ex-boyfriend and asked her why she had to lie about her mother, especially since I had always been supportive regarding her family issues. I told her that her explanations didn’t make any sense to me at all. She later told me I was wrong to say she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (I told that to her once earlier because she never feels sorry and does gaslighting to hide her own errors etc and I read online that this could be symptoms of NPD and asked her to get expert help on this); she said she had consulted a psychologist who diagnosed her with C-PTSD, which can cause narcissistic traits at times. Even so, I don’t see how that justifies creating such a complex story about her mother to deceive both me and my parents, even going as far as to give a specific date for her mother's death anniversary. She was also upset with my parents because they found the whole situation suspicious and started asking questions.
Although I feel bad and believe she may be dealing with some behavioral disorders, I also suspect there is a deeper, more complex secret—whether it's hers or her family's—that has led to all these stories. In my last conversation with her, I made it clear that, regardless of what she says, we are not in a position to restore the marriage. I don't want to hurt her by doubting her, nor do I want to hurt myself. Trust is something that cannot be rebuilt after everything that's happened, so I asked her to just tell me the truth. However, nothing substantial came from her that I could consider.
TL;DR :- My gf has not been able to give a proper valid reason for faking her mother's death for 3years and I've decided to move on with my life without her, as there's no way forward in this situation.