One of my issues with engaging with people in college is I think i strip away a part of myself and end up talking to people as this kind of friendly nice stale version of myself. Obviously being friendly and nice when first meeting someone is expected but in my case I feel that it never gets past that and I end up just never getting deeper with anyone besides surface level small talk about school. I want to be able to ask questions or speak my mind but I’m afraid of offending people. And it’s not that I have crazy thoughts maybe I have differing opinions but in the past especially my childhood I had a problem where it seemed I had no filter and would just yap and talk but I’d often offend others which as a kid sometimes I’d apologize for. As I got older, I developed social anxiety after realizing I didn’t have anyone to speak to and kinda became a people pleaser. I would get very conscience of what I would do or say esp in highschool because I didn’t want to offend others or for people to think I was rude or mean like I was sometimes labled in the past.
I would like to think that as a 21 year old I should start shedding my people pleaser socially anxious self and try to engage with people in a friendly but genuine way where I can be more aware of others feelings which I don’t think I was when I was a kid but also not stifle myself and end up a stale sheet of paper saying the same stuff everyone says because I’m afraid of even slightly offending someone.
It’s been years of this and it’s become hard because when someone tries to “banter” with me my mind draws a blank because I’m so use to “friendly” type exchanges with others that when someone tries to be edgy or fun to me I’m completely dumbfounded where as my younger self would have a response and some more but she’s somehow dead.
How do I overcome something like this?
What steps should I take?
I really need help im really tired of living such a boring life because of it