Edit: I mistyped that I was female in title. I am male, sorry for the mixup.
My fiancée (29F) and I (26M) have been together for about 6 years. I recently proposed, and she said yes. She seemed ecstatic at the moment, but just a couple of days later, she told me she was disappointed and hasn’t let go of those feelings since.
Here’s the situation: She had hinted that she wanted a more elaborate proposal—possibly a big surprise with friends, or at least some flowers or decorations. We had talked about it, and she said she’d be fine without the party, so I planned something personal and meaningful during a private moment while we were in a remote location together. But I didn’t have any flowers or other preparations, partly because I had no way to prepare anything where we were.
In the past, I had tried to plan a bigger proposal. I had everything in mind, but she wound up changing plans at the last minute, which made me feel like trying to plan something elaborate wouldn’t work. I thought a more spontaneous, heartfelt proposal was a better route. I genuinely thought what I did was meaningful, but she feels like it wasn’t special enough and is now saying it felt selfish and shortsighted.
I’ve tried to make it right by giving her flowers and a heartfelt note after the fact, but that seemed to make things worse. She’s been cold and distant ever since. I’ve tried talking with her seriously, laughing about it, and addressing her feelings, but nothing seems to ease the tension. She’s also brought up concerns about my selfishness in general, and I’m struggling with how to address that when I feel like I’ve been trying to meet her halfway, and haven't heard any complaints about selfishness up until this point.
This was supposed to be a happy time, but it’s turned into something really painful. I’m considering suggesting couples counseling, but I’m not sure how she’ll take it. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? How do I help her feel validated while also processing my own hurt and confusion?
I love her and want us to be happy, but I feel like I’m losing her over something that was supposed to be one of the best moments of our relationship. I feel angry that she isn't celebrating this step, but after talking I understand how disappointed she must feel. It seems like I can only blame myself.
Any advice or perspective would be greatly appreciated.