Having a tough time and need to vent friends.
My wife and I have been married for 3 years but together for 5 and I feel like I'm losing a physical connection to her. She's never really in the mood to play and any time I try to initiate, it feels like I just brought up the chore on the very bottom of the list. Just feels bad. She assures me she loves me and I believe her but she's just never in the mood and I wish it wasn't so hard to believe her.
I'm 6'4", good looking, really smart, make a ton of money, do most of the cooking and cleaning and work around the house, take care of our dogs, I'm fit, I'm there for her emotionally, go out of my way to make her feel attractive, and yet our marriage is still dead in terms of intimacy. Im pretty vanilla but I've been very clear I can be into almost anything. It kills me inside when she says not today. It kills me inside when she says OK because I can see she's doing it out of guilt.
I've sat her down and told her as much. She said I wasn't there for her emotionally enough (which to be fair is a lot) so I changed things and spend at least an hour a day talking to her, at least a couple of hours each day on weekdays spending time with her. I call her on my lunch break. We spend all weekend together. I tried an online couples sex therapy thing (which is very emotionally and connection-based) and it's taken her 2 months to watch the first week's worth of videos. I'm going to try an in-person sex therapist but my hopes are just so low.
She has PCOS and likely some other hormone issues. But still, I feel like if I were her I could've found a way to make it seem not so god awful to be with me. I love her but it doesn't feel like love. I don't feel a burst of joy and energy like when I see my dogs in the morning. I want to but I can't make my brain do the thing on my own.