I’m (28f) not a stranger to experimenting in the bedroom and have done anally inclined activities before including obviously having sex. Now you must be wondering, “why can’t you just do it then you goof, you already did it?!”
To keep it brief and less traumatic for myself (and for all of you) I was SA’d by an ex several times anally with no lube and incredibly painful for weeks after each time (was in the process of trying to escape the relationship at the time as it wasn’t easy sharing a kid with him). And though it’s been a couple years since (have a restraining order, and a new, actual sane, partner) I want to experiment with anal again but on my terms but every time I try it’s very painful and miserable and I feel bad for not being able to perform for my partner (he says it’s okay, but I beat myself up about it).
I don’t know if this could be more of a mental block keeping from doing this or if some real damage could have happened to me (physically) and I wanted to ask. I’m afraid to see and ask a doctor about it because it’s humiliating I allowed myself to go through that. Meanwhile I’m working with a therapist to try and help me through the ptsd.
I’m sorry for the rambling, but I’d really like to know any advice if anyone has for this?
Thank you!