My boyfriend is 35, and I'm 19, and I don't know many people in their 30s. I asked a guy I used to work with, who's in his early 30s, about it, and he said it's "weird as hell" and that he could never be attracted to someone my age.
Is it really that strange? My close friends, who are my age, don’t say anything directly about the age gap, but I can tell they think it’s off.
If you’re in your 30s would you find it strange if one of your friends started dating a girl much younger than him?
Edit: I understand the general consensus is it’s wrong but it’s really hard for me to leave him for emotional reasons because I didn’t have many friends growing up I was quite unpopular because I was shy and quiet and people just assumed I was a bitch and when I met him I felt like someone finally saw me and understood me. But now that might not be true, he might not even truly see me either, I don’t know if I am mature or stable enough to accept the fact.
42 comments
Half your age + 7. Otherwise, yes, it’s weird.
35 to 19 is crazy lol. But if it makes you feel better, the older you are the less it matters- 41 to 25 is more socially acceptable.
Not going to lie, if one of my friends started dating a girl who couldn’t legally drink in a bar yet we’d all probably roast him pretty hard.
Is it strange? Yeah, it’s weird on it’s face. You’re talking about people in very different stages of life: someone who has been in the workforce for a decade plus, probably has a mortgage, maybe an ex-wife and a kid or two, and someone who was in high school last year. There is very little chance that it’s a relationship of equals, my first (and second, and third) thought would be that she has Daddy issues and that he was looking for someone he could control.
Generally, without knowing either of you: yeah it’s weird.
I’m in my mid 30s and 99.9% of 19 year olds look, act, and sound like children to me.
Yes
When I was 35, I took my 19 year old wife out to dinner, and a member of her family happened to be at the restaurant. They began yelling horrible things like “You fucking cradle robber!” and “You sick son-of-a-bitch!” out loud in front of all the people trying to enjoy their meals.
It totally ruined our ten year anniversary.
When there’s that much of an age difference, 90% of the time it’s because the guy is a piece of shit and women in his age range won’t believe his bullshit or put up with his crap anymore.
Your relationship may be different, but the odds aren’t good.
As a 31 year old married dad — yeah I think it’s pretty weird. Like yeah there’s college aged women who are attractive that I’ve seen, but I don’t think I’d ever date one if I was single. Relationships are built on communication and shared life experiences and IMO the greater the age gap the less of both of those you tend to see.
EDIT: I just looked at your account history and saw your previous posts about your bf. Girl, run. There are red flags all over the place and I think you see them yourself.
Yes. It’s weird.
It’s a sign that he cannot maintain relationships with people who have enough maturity/life experience to recognize he is not an ideal partner… thus he pursues serious relationships with people in late high school/early college who are less likely to see the red flags.
Proceed with caution.
I think it speaks of his maturity. Is there a reason he has to go so young and can’t get an older women. You have virtually no relationship experience so you are easy to manipulate.
I am 43 and my daughter is 19. It’s extremely weird and a huge red flag a 35 year old man is dating a 19 year old. It’s even worse this started at 17 and based on your post history he’s already getting violent. You’ve been and are currently being groomed. This doesn’t get better it only gets worse.
My best friend did that. She ended up pregnant, married, fully controlled, and she is only now finally free of him because he died.
Healthy, stable 35 year old men SHOULD have nothing in common with you, and THATS OKAY. Please run before he manages to trap you in some abuse of power.
*Super* weird and concerning.
I’m not even 35 and 19 is waaaaaay to young for me. Enough to make me feel all weird and creepy just thinking of the hypothetical. Think of you dating an 11 year-old and you’d get the idea.
EDIT: Checked your comment history since some other people mentioned it – you are **LITERALLY** being abused… Call the cops, not redditors ffs
Ya’ll, she was freshly 18 when they started dating.
Yes it’s weird. Leave him
Wait until you’re 35 . You’re gonna feel disgusted by the fact your bf was 35 and you were 19
Usually the guys dating significantly younger women are losers to the women in their age group who know better.
Or…they’re rich. Funny how that works.
This is the same bf that assaulted you by grabbing your face in an argument and won’t spend your birthday with you?
Either this is fake or you’re staring the obvious in the face and just refuse to see it. Stop asking Reddit if it’s weird. You know it’s weird. Just make the right call and get out now. You’ll thank yourself later.
Leave this person immediately.
I’ve gone through your posts. According to you, you met this man at 16, turned 18, and ONE MONTH LATER you started dating. A month. A fucking month after you turned 18. He refuses to do anything for your birthday. Refusing to see you or do anything because of some holiday. To top it off 2 days ago he apparently grabs your face so hard that it leaves BRUISES ON YOUR CHEEKS!
You are in an abusive relationship. Leave. Do not contact him. This will end badly for you. Please please please talk to someone locally that can help you.
Edit: reasons.
Sweety you’ll soon find you have very little in common. You’re both on different levels in life.
Men who date younger girls can’t date women their own age because he’s immature or has “other” faults.
If you was my daughter I’d be asking what you want from this relationship, is it fun or are you looking for long term (& what is he looking for) technically he is old enough to be your dad (if he had you at 16 which is not unheard of in the uk). I would tell you to tread very carefully. Also don’t give up family or friends for him.
This is not the norm.
Yeah. He’s a creep and a loser. I’m a guy and older than him. I would have never dated a girl that young. I would not have dated a 19 year old at 25 and I could have. I remember when I was a senior in college at 22 the freshman seemed like children.
Standard Creepiness rule:
Half your age +7
35/2 = 17 +7 = 24.
I think its weird for anyone in their 30s to be dating someone who can’t even legally drink yet.
But, people come in all shapes and sizes. Men often mature slower than women. So maybe you are the more mature of the two.
Just recognize that you two are at different places in your life. As long as you can continue to grow, and haven’t fallen completely into the relationship. Be sure to spend time with friends.
Be happy, and screw what other people think.
So I have a theory about age gaps:
In every relationship, the younger chronologically is the more mature emotionally.
In most adult relationships this age/maturity gap is so small that it doesn’t mean much or even raise any eyebrows. I’ve certainly seen some relationships that I would consider successful with a near 30-year gap, but those happened after the younger person was over the age of 30.
My best friend started seeing a woman when we were 32 and she was 19. They met through work as apprentices. Any one in the UK will know that our apprentices can start at 16. She was 17 when they met and in a relationship. 2 years later they’d split and my friend started seeing her. They’re married now with a son.
I’ll be honest I found it weird. Still do. Unfortunately due to her immaturity he’s lost some incredibly important friends in his life too and has absolutely soured the relationship between them and us. The age gap seemed a bit strange but largely it was that despite he seeming to come across as mature, she was actually really immature compared to the rest of us and it became apparent.
Not to say that you are immature because I’m sure there are 19 year olds that have their shit together but that’s my experience.
Having a casual relationship, as fuck buddies? No issues. Everybody wants sex, so yeah.
Actually having a relationship? Hell nah. Too big of a gap. 45-30 wouldn’t be as bad, but when you are 19 you still have a lot to learn, stupid shit to make, experiences to have, etc.
Just leave him. Really.
At 19 I dated an older guy and now being 38 what was I thinking and why the hell did he wanna date someone so young ?! Just to break up with me to date a younger girl we worked with !! It’s a bad gap man
fellas, is it weird if you date someone half your age who is not out of their twenties yet? rhetorical question, run dont walk away
It’s also worth noting that your boyfriend is fully aware of how this relationship appears. Some men might be attracted to someone younger, but most would never pursue a 19-year-old due to how socially unacceptable it is. For them, the optics alone would be a dealbreaker.
The fact that he’s willing to date someone so much younger, despite knowing the judgment it brings, raises serious alarm bells about his values as a person. It seems like he prioritizes being with someone young and attractive over being respected, which is gross. A man with self-respect and genuine concern for you wouldn’t engage in a relationship like this, because he would know you’d be better off with someone closer to your age. It’s disrespectful to you. It makes me wonder if he’s indifferent to the judgment because he feels he has nothing to lose—maybe because people already see him as a loser. Do you get what I’m saying?
I’m about his age, you’re about my daughter’s age, this is beyond weird, it’s gross.
Get tf away from him
INCREDIBLY WEIRD! I am exactly 35 and 19 year olds are like, my cousin and his friends. They’re kids. I played with him when he was a baby. We’re not remotely in the same stage of life. DO NOT DATE THIS CREEPY MAN
Yep. Not necessarily just because of the age, but because I’d question if both maturity levels were similar.
You are the same age as my daughter. I’ve spent a good amount of time with kids in your age group. They are fun and intelligent girls. However, they are clearly still just kids. If one of my friends started dating them, they would no longer be a friend of mine. There is something seriously fucking wrong with a grown man dating a 19 year old. I don’t care if it’s legal or not, it’s a sign of mental illness.
It’s very weird for a 35 year old guy to pursue a romantic relationship with a 19 year old. I know it may seem difficult to accept, but this is a toxic situation even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.
Yes, I knew someone who did that it was creepy, he was very immature
Yes, it’s weird. Especially if he was taking the relationship very seriously.
When you turn 25, maybe even sooner, you will realize just how weird this situation truly was.
Yes, it’s weird, and you need to get out.
At the very least – do not get pregnant by this man. Do not trust him to use condoms properly. You need to be responsibility for your fertility and future here. A baby, or even a pregnancy, will make this situation significantly more difficult.
You left out the part where you started dating when you were 17! This man is an abusive pedofile who needs to be in jail. Honestly you need to get away from him and find some better friends who care about you!
I’m 37 and can’t imagine dating a 19yr old. 19yr olds have essentially zero life experience. They have lived in the adult world for maybe a couple years. The most mature 19yr olds I’ve met are only mature for a 19yr old. Not for adults in general. My guess is OP’s BF is a very immature 35yr old.
Theres no future here, this guy’s gonna be geriatric before you even figure out who you are. Don’t waste your prime years on a dead end road.
Yes. At 19 you are not close to being emotionally mature and lack the experiences that people have in their 20’s.
I’m 32 and I wouldn’t date a thing younger that 25 and would side eye anyone that did.
35/2 = 18, 18+7 = 25. You’re 19, so he’s breaking the creepy rule by 6 years.