What would make you consider a relationship with someone where marriage was off the table?

26 comments

1. I’d consider it if I were at a place in my life where I didn’t want marriage either.

   People sometimes date just to have fun, not everyone wants marriage and not everyone wants all their relationships to be long-term. I definitely didn’t see myself marrying every guy I ever dated.

2. I’ve always said I would be open to marriage if it’s something my partner really wanted, but it’s not something I’m actively seeking out for my life. So them not wanting marriage either would be just fine.

3. Yup, marriage holds absolutely no significance or meaning to me at all.

4. Yeah, marriage isn’t important to me

   My girlfriend and I literally only got married because we legally had to so her name could be on the birth certificates for our kids

   Wouldn’t have done it otherwise

5. I’m already married (polyamorously) and am obviously not able to marry other partners, even if I do get into a serious relationship with someone else. So this is a time in my life when I’ll happily date people who don’t intend on getting married.

6. Well, yeah.
   My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage on and off. We don’t care about marriage. It’s just a piece of paper. Dedication, commitment, loyalty, passion, love, are all things you work at constantly.
   We don’t need the paperwork to tell each other that we’re in love.
   Now, we might get married, just because that’s kinda rad too.
   But, we don’t NEED it.

7. Did their SO die? Did they never get married? Do they have kids? I’d need an explanation before considering if I wanted marriage.

8. I don’t think I would. Marriage is important to me, not the legal part but the symbolic part. I at least need to have the engagement and wedding day, and be able to take his last name.

9. If I become divorced or widowed and want companionship later on, I won’t want to get married.

   Marriage was important to me for my relationships in my 20s and 30s – I wanted a first marriage with someone who I knew I’d forge a lasting commitment with. But I don’t plan to re-marry ever.

10. Yes. I don’t care about marriage.

11. As long as they’re upfront about it.

    I don’t want to get legally married but I am married to my husband in our way. And if either of us gets super sick or wants to move to another country, then we’ll do it to make some things easier.

12. No, after watching what my parents went through dealing with illness and death. It was so much easier for them to deal w all the legal stuff without having to add extra hoops and stress to an already awful situation because they were married.

13. I think the only reason where marriage is important is if somebody’s dying or if there’s assets/support potentially involved. It can make legal and economic issues more streamlined.

    (My in-laws only finally got married when one developed cancer. Second marriage for both at that point.)

14. I would only have considered that if I was at a point in my life where I did not want to marry and was not willing to make that level of commitment to a partner myself, but I probably wouldn’t have bothered developing anything beyond a friendship with someone if marriage was totally off the table for them.

15. Not something I care about personally. Think it is a waste of money and legally a nightmare to get out if needed so if he felt the same then I guess we are on the same page lol

16. I’d only be open to marriage if my partner felt strongly or needed it for visa/ legal reasons. Otherwise I’m 100% down for no marriage

17. Nothing, I‘m not interested in not having legal ties to my life partner, and marriage holds emotional significance as well to me.

18. Nothing. If I’m not married it would be all too easy for next of kin to steal any power position over me if there was an emergency. Common law is a thing but I’ve read horror stories of families that had somehow weaseled around that. If someone loves me and wants to be with me, the only non-negotiable expectation is marriage. Then they are the first notified, the one with authority over any crises involving me (if I am unable to do so myself) and vice versa.

19. That’s actually preferable

20. Nothing. I want to be married and that hasn’t changed.

21. That’s the only relationship I would be a part of. I am wildly uninterested in marriage, but not opposed to a commitment and companionship.

22. No. I don’t feel like letting their fam take everything should something happen and leave (check out all the 10+ years gf/bfs that got kicked to the curb).

23. If the sex was off the charts and he wasn’t an abusive or neglectful a-hole.

24. The quality and commitment of the relationship. If it’s one where we have the exact same level of intention and desire to spend the rest of our lives together as though we were married, then ultimately it’s the same thing.

    I would rather be in a lifelong partnership with the right person, than a marriage with someone I am less satisfied with purely for the sake of being able to say I’m married.

    Worth noting that where I live you’re considered de facto with the same rights as a spouse after living together for two years, so the argument about not having the same legal rights and financial protections doesn’t apply.

25. Marriage is always off the table. There is no god nor government agency who has any business having anything to do with any of my relationships.

26. Sure. It’s a legal and financial decision as I see it, and not a priority of mine or something which would be a ‘deal-breaker’.