Hey guys, I need your opinion because my current boyfriend thinks his past actions were justified, and it’s making me lose my mind. He believes my friends are biased and don’t show me how I was wrong in the relationship. Here’s the story:
We met in 2018, and after a month, we started dating. I had already planned a trip to London with my ex six months prior, but by the time the trip came, I had already broken up with him. I went on the trip alone, didn’t sleep with my ex, but I did meet him and took some pictures. My current boyfriend found out later, and that was “strike 1.”
Then came “strike 2.” Before my current boyfriend came into the picture, I kissed a friend of mine, and even though it was long before him, he didn’t like that I stayed friends with this person.
“Strike 3” was about my group of male friends from my bachelor’s program. We were close, and like any friends, we took pictures together—some hugging, some casual with arms around each other. He had issues with that too.
Then came “strike 4.” After we both moved to the US for our master’s degrees, he came to visit me. We had a house party, and there was a guy friend who danced with me late into the night. We were both drunk, dancing close, but nothing physical happened—no kissing, no cheating. But in his eyes, that was another violation.
These things happened over two or three years, and while I understand that he might’ve emotionally checked out of the relationship because he thought I wasn’t loyal, the next part is where it really gets to me. For the rest of our six-year relationship, he became emotionally abusive. He physically abused me too, demeaned me, and would justify it by saying he didn’t have feelings for me because he thought I was unfaithful.
Despite this, he didn’t leave. We started discussing marriage, and he broke up, saying he’d only settle for me if there were no better options left. He quickly moved on to another girl but came back to me, all the while talking to her—and later to other girls—and still sleeping with me. He justified it, saying we weren’t officially together, so it wasn’t cheating.
Now, after all this chaos and after dating other women, he came back to me, saying I’m the only person he wants to marry. But he still believes his behavior was justified because of things I did in the past. He admits he’s done terrible things but seems stuck in the mindset that his actions were okay given the circumstances.
It’s so confusing and exhausting. Am I missing something here? What do you guys think? Should there be any chance of this working out?