We have been together for 10 years, married for five. We have two children.
He is the breadwinner, but I also contribute to expenses (health insurance for the whole family + daycare, as well as other small things like streaming services. He pays the mortgage, car payments, utilities, as well as some other things.
It’s extremely rare that I can survive on the rest of my paycheck after bills come out and he typically gives me money when I need it. However, if he is mad at me, he sometimes will refuse to give me any money.
We got into an argument the other night because our five year old was licking his ice cream bowl, and my husband told him to stop. I said come on, it’s not a big deal. Pick your battles. He eventually ripped the bowl out of our son’s hands and threw it in the sink. My son started bawling and my husband started yelling at me for undermining him. Since then, he has refused to give me any money, even when I told him I didn’t have any money for dinner.
Today I told him I needed to pick up a shift tonight because I need money. He told me fine, but that he’d be happy to give me money anytime if I’d stop undermining and disrespecting him.
I asked him if he’d ever heard of financial abuse. He told me I drain him emotionally and financially, which he says is abuse.
TLDR; if you ask your husband for money and he says no because he doesn’t think you show him enough respect in front of the kids, is that financial abuse?