I'll try to keep this brief.
Me (35F) and my husband (40M) have been together since I was 17. We moved in when I was 18 and we got married when I was 20. We have two children (5&8), own a home and we work together – he's my boss (technically I have a different reporting line, but I'm in his team.
For years, we've been back and forth with the same argument. I want affection, non sexual touch. He flat out refused to give me that because he doesn't always get something in return, so why bother.
He controls our finances. We're comfortable, but I want my own account – he said absolutely not.
He is unable to drive (not his fault) but this makes things extremely difficult with kids and getting him to his appointments every few weeks.
He has never made a school lunch.
He has never packed a bag.
He has never buckled them into their car seats.
He has no idea which clothing belongs to which kid, so he never folds or puts anything away.
He never compromises. If someone says his behavior is bad, he says its not his problem and the other person has to deal with it. However, if he doesn't like someone's behavior, he expects them to change to suit him.
Sex has become incredibly boring to the point it feels like he doesn't particularly care about finishing me, or I end up feeling awkward and give up.
I am so unhappy. I don't want another relationship, I want to be alone. To do what I want, when I want. But I could risk tearing my family apart, I'll hurt him badly, I'll have to quit my job – I can't exactly work with his. My whole world will be thrown upside down. I can see the light and I can feel excited about what the future might hold for me, but I am terrified of destroying everything we've built together.
I also very much know this is not the life I want to live until I die. Help?
TL:DR I want to end my marriage but I am terrified of the repercussions.