How do you reconcile a potential/imagined life vs your reality? Wondering how this shows up for you in your life, having someone you think fondly of, and could’ve been with had circumstances been different. How are your feelings different with your partner/spouse, with whom you live daily life with? And if you’re wondering – my spouse has one who got away and I’m in my feelings unexpectedly today. In contrast, my past love definitely can stay in the rear view !


6 comments

  1. If she got away, she wasn’t the one. That’s some romanticized bullshit. “The one” wants to be with you as enthusiastically as you want to be with her.

  2. Last I heard she’s a pediatrician in Seattle. That was a long time ago. It hurt like hell at the time but it almost feels made up now.

  3. Implying that whoever you settle down with (note: *NOT* settle for) is “the one” is hilariously wild to me. It’s very common, normal, and healthy to fall in love with multiple people over time. When someone you love drifts apart from you do to circumstances you can’t control, there’s nothing wrong with putting past partners into the “would have been my long-term partner if things turned out differently” bucket. Doing so does not diminish a current partnership (so long as you’re not only dwelling on the past).

    That isn’t an excuse to not be present with your partner / rub it in their face though!

  5. You learn that the one that got away got away for a reason.

    It’s like Garth Brooks said: Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.

  6. I had that one girl I was thinking about from time to time. The first real love. It hurt so much when she left me. I’m happily married but she was the one I told myself sometimes “maybe it would have been great”. Not regret but a sentiment of unaccomplishment. Just from time to time, no big deal.

    I didn’t see her but heard news of her from our common friends. She had left abroad, had a kid and had some trouble with the kid’s father for some time but got better and had made great accomplishments in her dream job.

    I saw her for the first time in 13 years this summer at my best friend’s wedding, and it was a relief. She had changed, me too, and even though it was nice, I realised I had absolutely no feelings for her and the only thing I had nostalgia about was the girl she was almost 20 years ago. And the guy I was back then, too.

    To add some context, the next serious relationship I had after her was with an abusive partner who broke me into pieces. So my nostalgia probably also came from the feeling that I was better when I was with her. But it was really a good thing to see her and realise that I was better now with my amazing wife than I had ever been. Even with her.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like