I never thought I’d be the one to post anything like this. But I’m too embarrassed to tell and family or friends and need to talk to someone.
Me (24M) and my GF (24F) have been dating since February, about 7 months. While I have had relationships in the past, she is the first girl I’ve ever truly loved – all the stereotypical butterflies you hear about in the movies.
When I originally asked her to be my girlfriend two months after we met, she said no and that it was too soon, which I respected. She then asked me to be her boyfriend a month or so later. And to me at least, everything had been going like a dream until the last few weeks, when I moved a little further away and she seemed a little bit more distant.
Earlier today, she said she wanted to talk to me about something – I’d forgotten to ask her about her exam results a couple days ago. I absolutely adore this girl but I’m very almost comically forgetful in every aspect of my life, work etc – I’ve been told by friends I should go for tests.
When I went around to her house to talk about things, she said she had been feeling disconnected from me, and wanted to know how I felt about our relationship. It was then I told her I loved her, and when she said she didn’t recipricate, tears began to well up in my eyes – the first time I had cried in years. I don’t cry. I feel absolutely fucking stupid for doing so, and how embarrassing it must have made me look to her, even thought she was weeping too. She says she has never told anyone she loved them before, but didn’t feel like she felt that with me. I offered to treat her to a special weekend this weekend, and she said she’ll think about it possibly.
To me, this exam results incident seems an incredibly minor thing to result in ending things – and I suspect this is just a good excuse for her to end things with me? But I’ve met her parents, her dog and her home – I’ve been completely blindsided by this.
One last thing – a couple months ago, I told her some personal things about myself and abuse I suffered as a child – one of only 3 or 4 people outside my family who even know what happened to me.
She absolutely insists this has nothing to do with it, and she’s so glad I told her and I do feel this is the case- but being so vulnerable with her now fills me with shame and regret that I even mentioned anything.
Is it over? I love her. Is there nothing I can do for her to feel the same way back? Is she right in saying I don’t connect with her emotionally enough, even though I love her? Is it worth trying to change or is her mind made up? Is this all my fault?
Happy to answer any q’s in the comments.I’d appreciate any impartial advice – feel free not to sugar-coat anything. I’m devastated but I can take it if it means I’m figuring out what I’ve done wrong, and can improve in future.
TLDR: Girlfriend doesn’t love me back, and can’t tell if it’s my fault or just the way she feels.