This has not been sth that has happened to us before, yes we did have conflicts but we resolved it but for some reason it just doesn’t feel like it’s happening right now. We are living in the same room and he is right in front of me playing his games… as usual and mind you he knows about all of these.
Everytime I open up about things he does that bother me:
- it escalates into a fight
- It makes me feel like I’m ruining the relationship by making him feel like all he does is wrong
- I feel like I become someone who complains a lot and that he ends up walking on eggshells around me
- It doesn’t get resolved and we both get upset about it
- Makes me lose hope for the relationship because a lot of the things I talk to him about are things he doesn’t understand because he either don’t grasp how it is affecting me (he is very logical) or he himself would not be upset if he were to experience the same thing
- He wouldn’t feel bad about me feeling like shit because he sees no reason to… he didn’t ask me to feel like shit so why should I?
- He doesn’t grasp the idea that him “loving” me may not be how I want to be loved. It’s as simple as “he loves me” so I should be okay with it
- He remains satisfied because we are spending time together (as in his needs are met if both of us are in the same premise without the talking) but on my end I feel like shit coz we barely talk unless it’s about him. He doesn’t ask me deep thinking questions about our rs even tho it’s as easy as searching TikTok
- I don’t want to say shit anymore coz he won’t be able to understand my needs anyways
- I don’t want to tell him shit because by the end of it “he won’t really know how to respond/what to say”
- If I’m wronged I want to be the focus of the conversation, I WILL understand his side but that will NOT be used as an excuse to make me less sad or mad. I’ve always been like that when he gets upset, I don’t use my reason to try to un-mad or un-sad him, I let him know my reasons and give him time to be upset at me and from then I will apologise because I made him upset then once he is ready to forgive me we hug it out, I am not gonna get mad at him coz he got mad about sth I did… he has the right to be upset about my mistake and I’ll give him that… he cant do that for me… The moment im upset, he gets defensive and reasons with me “oh I didn’t think u would feel like that”, “oh but i thought it was like this” literally the reply to every thing i open up to him about
Things that has happened so far (do note that not all these happen on the same day):
- I was trying to make a convo by asking him how “the great” was and he’d answer like 2 sentences but instead of following up the convo with more questions, he kept inserting about some tech he was so interested in but won’t even buy… I tried bringing sth up again, he then continued with ray tracing and I told him that we won’t be buying so I’m not really interested in knowing and let’s talk about sth else then still proceeded to continue with it..
- I’m learning more bout ppl in Reddit and they’re learning more about me than my own bf coz all he talks about are his surface level shit and never listens to mine or at least keeps interrupting me when I try to make convo out of the damn norm
- i hate how we have to rush a lot of school related stuff all because he procrastinates like there is no tmr… by the end of the day I also have to suffer the rush and pressure when he confidently says he could manage and all that prior to when sth is due… the whole thing just doesn’t make me feel in any way or shape comfortable and he doesn’t want to give give way or adjust his bad habit coz his excuse is “if I don’t feel like it (doing a task), nth will come out”… like u don’t need to study shit but at least prepare notessss… it’s 9:10pm, he is so unprepared and is piggy backing on other ppl when we agreed on shared burden. I already took and led for two subj and did not bother him this much. Just found out that everything is closed (we needed to print our notes)…
- what will make him understand and listen??????? Sometimes, I hope when I die, he will regret ever arguing w me and making me feel small in this rs… ever being soooo selfish that he barely thinks and considers how I’d feel in certain situations all because “it’s okay from his perspective” I don’t want to break up with him but I don’t know how to make him see
- I opened up, once again about all this coz i really want us to work and he said we’d talk when i get back but at that time our RS needed fixing, I was the one who had to wait for him to finish his games and we ended up not talking about things anymore coz he didn't finish till 7 am
.