My boyfriend (22M) and me (20F) have been dating for a few months. We have had great sex pretty much everyday we’ve been together throughout this time. When we first started dating he did warn me that sometimes he just wants to chill and not have sex after work (labourer) because he’s tired, which is completely okay. However, despite this we have still been very active.. until he quit his job, started a new education course and we moved in to new accommodation (used to live with parents). All of a sudden he barely is intimate with me – we’ve been here a week and only had sex once, and it was low effort and over with relatively quickly. We had a conversation about it and he explained that it’s not that he’s ‘going off me’ it’s that he just isn’t in the mood most evenings. I have a very high sex drive and have never experienced being with someone who doesn’t want to have sex as much as i do. Sex for me is a form of reassurance and intimacy; so I’m feeling very unwanted and as if he’s not attracted to me. I feel incredibly shallow for feeling like this is a big deal, but yet it is to me :/ tonight was the first time i made it obvious that i wanted sex however was turned down. im not one to brag but i’ve never been turned down before and it’s left me feeling very down and teary. i feel like tonight is a glimpse of how it’s going to be going forward as he says that this is his normal, once a week at most. i don’t know what to do – i enjoy being with him and i feel like leaving over sex is shallow, but it’s making me feel like shit. i don’t want to spend the rest of my life having boring quick sex once a week. what should i do? ?
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just for some context – i’m only staying for another week before i go home 3 hours away for the summer. im also doing my year abroad so i feel like i want to make the most of the time i have with him
Sometimes differences in sex drive is a deal breaker in a relationship, and that’s okay.
I mean…it’s only been a few days, right? jfc, the guy is tired and stressed and you’re thinking about leaving him after *one* week of only having sex once? Yes, please do him a favor and along.
IMO, once a week is a very realistic amount of sex to have. I would say that the fact that it is so over with so quickly and low effort as you say, is problematic.
When I was in a long term relationship, we would have sex anywhere from 2-6 times a month. So roughly on average once a week. It was high effort tho, it wasn’t a “get this over with” vibe so that’s definitely not a good sign.
It’s possible that this is an Incompatibility issue. If you all can’t compromise, then it just won’t work. Another factor to consider is that it is very normal for sexual activity to slow down a bit, as the “newness” and excitement wears off.
If it’s not enough sex for you reevaluate. If you were getting plenty before ask what has change. Emphasize to bf that sex is important to you, once a week is not enough. He doesnt have to have to have piv but all the foreplay and oral is needed.