Context: So for some back story about us, we’ve known each other for 5 years and would casually see each other a few times a year whenever she’d be in my city for work. We go out on date nights, get a hotel room, the whole shabang. It’s almost like casual dating without the commitment. She’ll leave town and we live our lives normal till next time.

Okay so on to the story. This time she asked me to come down and see her for the weekend (4 hours away) and I said yeah sounds great! The plan was to stay the night at her house that first night and then stay at this really cool hotel the next two nights.

So that first night we have a great time, get some nice dinner and have a few drinks. She has me sleep on the couch, I was a little like huh? It it wasn’t a big deal at all. I wake up the next morning and hear laughter coming from her room, whatever. The next thing I see is her walking out the door with some other dude who was not there when we went to bed. She said they were going for breakfast and will be back.

I laid there for a bit and thought you know what? NAH. So I got my stuff together and left. I don’t care whatsoever about her seeing that dude but seeing him while I’m visiting and then going to eat with him leaving me at her place? No way bro.

She calls me about an hour and a half after they leave and asked where I went. I told her I drove down to spend time with her and if she was getting breakfast it would’ve been nice to have breakfast with her and not just chilling at her place till they decide to come back and give me the scraps.

She’s obviously upset I left and accused me of just wanting to f***. I said no, it’s the principal of the entire thing that turned me off and that I felt disrespected. Btw the dude is married and she’s his sneaky link (her words)

Kind of just a rant I guess but also AITA here?

Edit: btw we’re both 28 and he’s in his 50s. Also I was stationed in that city for 6 years so nostalgia definitely played its part in me deciding to make the drive


42 comments

  2. Yeah man that’s disrespectful on her part if yall had some sort of a relationship even if it was open. The fact that you were there to visit her and she left with some other dude. I’d block her and move on.

  3. I think we guys need to respect selves more and don’t get into situations where we need to sacrifice our time, comfort and money for stranger girls or flings. Pick girls that are comfortable for you, doesn’t require to spend 4 hours just to see them because of those kind of situations. 

  4. Not the Ass , she is the Ass. You reacted the right way . Don’t let people disrespect you , boundaries are a must needed thing when in relationships even in flings .

  5. That’s so disrespectful, to have the other dude there and you on the couch! And to leave with him to grab breakfast! Drop her, that girl is for the streets

  7. Wow bro, she used you, plain and simple. Sucks you were disrespected this way, but damn that was shitty of her to do this to you. Luckily this whole situation seemed really nothing serious.

  8. Wtffffff she’s insane. Who has a guy that you’re sexually involved with come visit and she goes out with another guy while you’re there? That is WILD

  12. Jesus Christ she is happy being a mistress and obviously the married guy means more to her than you and when he wants to fuck he gets to fuck her first hence why you got the couch as she knew he was coming over! And to think she thought you would be happy paying for hotels and dinner and hanging around for his sloppy seconds 🤮 her brain is addled 😂

  14. WTF

    Even if you aren’t exclusively dating the fact that she brought over her married hookup while you were sleeping on the couch, then left you there to have breakfast with him after you drove 4 hours to see her is disrespectful af.

    I don’t know how you’re even questioning if you’re in the wrong here. Sure she doesn’t owe you fidelity but some common courtesy and consideration isn’t a lot to ask. She could’ve had him over another time.

    The best thing you can do for yourself is block her and move on.

  20. WTF why did she even invite you over?! That’s fucked up. Glad you got out of there OP, disrespectful AF

  21. Holy shit man that is SO fucking rude.
    you deserve so much better

    hey who knows. you could meet someone who treats you right tomorrow. you don’t need people who act like trash.

  22. Nah dude fuck her, dont ever hit her up again. Regardless of if it’s casual or not that’s flat out disrespectful what she did to you.

    The whole trying to shame you for “just wanting to fuck”???? I get it that just kicking it is cool too but you guys are FUCK BUDDIES!!!!  Of course you wanted to fuck too. The hypocrisy as well from her. She’s literally ducking a married guy.
    She’s either completely self absorbed in a fantasy land where she’s the star or flat out stupid.

    That’s not even platonic friendship material there.

    She belongs on a corner somewhere .

  26. I get the way you feel, but like, did things ever get serious? She’s an asshole, but she’s not necessarily wrong if you two are really just friends.

  27. Seems to me, he was with her while you were on the couch. Man, what an asshole. Sorry, OP. For her to be pissed off at you for leaving really takes the audacity to a whole new level. I hope he gets found out by the wife.

  28. We don’t have the full story, but I get the feeling she did that on purpose to make a point. Seems like it worked.

  33. GTFOH!! Don’t even entertain her bs again. Let her find someone else to hang out with when she’s not getting railed. That’s absolute disrespect! What she does when you’re not there is her business but to invite another guy over while you’re sleeping on the couch!? NO WAY BRO!! Self respect, fellas. Self respect!!

  34. Haha WHAT!? She’s the ass for sure. Glad you left. The audacity to say you only want to fuck when she’s the sneaky link is impressive, but an impressive that should be observed from far, far away.

  36. Hold up she had you drive 4 hours to see her and plan the weekend together, she then brings her sneaky link over while you’re there and more than likely slept with him while you were asleep, leaves you alone while they go get food, and then when you leave (cause that’s obviously weird and disrespectful af) she gets mad assuming you only wanted to smash her?

  37. Damn… You deserve more respect than that. Fuck her off. Best of luck to you champ, and I hope you enjoy your weekend regardless! Her loss 💪

  38. I took the element of sex/romance out of it to think it through. 

    If a person I was friends with drove 4 hours to see me for a weekend, as their host I would plan much of my weekend around spending time with them, try to only involve other people if I thought it would be good for them to meet, and if I had some other social activity I would let them know before the trip or check in to see if that was ok/if they were interested in occupying themselves during that time while I did so. I would likely only go out to eat with others if I felt I could comfortably invite that friend to join. 

    So yeah, in terms of the sexual/romantic commitment this is poor judgment but in terms of being a friend or a host for the weekend she acted poorly and feeling disrespected sounds appropriate. 

  39. BROOOO WHATTT! NO WAY. ICK! First of all she is sleeping with married men. 🤢

    You ANTA imo. She asked You come see her only for her to go off with some other dude, rude af. 4 hours too! I can barely get men to drive an hour to see me 🥴mad disrespectful of your time imo.

    Anyway, cut ties with her, that is rude. She should’ve dedicated time to you since you put the effort to go see her, I would be turned off too.

    Edit: where do people gain the confidence to be this rude lmaooo. Couldn’t be me.

  42. Good for you bro! & don’t look back. That blame you stuff lead by her own actions is a sign of a narrciristic (spell check) move. You did the right thing by moving on. Glad you finally saw it at 5 years & not 10.

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