I dated a lot when I was younger. I was always the pursuer, always the one asking guys out and making the first move. It wasn’t ideal, I mean, of course I’d rather be the beautiful woman being pursued, but that’s a fairytale. Or maybe I’m just not desirable enough to get that treatment.
It didn’t bother me as much then, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized it makes me feel masculine and unattractive to always be the pursuer. I’ve also realized that a big chunk of men will take ANY attention I give them as a sexual advance. Even something as simple as me introducing myself and smiling at them. This wasn’t an issue when I was younger, but now that we’re all grown, any attention I give men is seen as a sexual advance. And I do mean any.
So I stopped. I thought maybe I was going for guys out of my league and I needed to wait for the right guy who actually saw a future with me. I thought if a guy really liked me, he’d pursue me, right? Right..?
I’m nearing 30 and I’ve never been in love. I’ve never been pursued either. Almost all of my friends are married or in longterm relationships. I feel so behind and lost. I’ve asked them to set me up but I always hear “I don’t know anyone I could ever see you with.” Yeah, I guess that’s the problem.
I’m not ugly. I have a good career and many hobbies. I try to be a kind person. But I’m starting to realize that I may never find love. And I can’t do anything about it. If I approach men, they just go to sex, and it makes me feel like shit. And I’ve accepted that a man will never approach me no matter what I do.
But what really hurts is how my male friends have started confiding in me that they thought about asking me out once, but just didn’t. One (who is now married) said something like “I had a crush on you for years but I just never asked you out.” I think he meant it as a compliment but it really hurt me. It made me realize than men just don’t think I’m worth the effort. I’ve had several male friends say similar things about considering me but not following through.
I always thought men just didn’t think about me at all, that I was invisible to them, just a friend, and I could deal with that. Now I know they do consider me, they think about me, they might even find me attractive, but they always eventually decide I’m not worth the effort. That hurts more than anything.
It just sucks. I HATE being a straight woman. I would do anything to be anyone else. It’s just such a trip to be deemed completely unworthy of pursuit by men, and every guy I pursue or even smile at just wants sex. It’s really, really hard emotionally. Makes me feel like I’m not even a human being to them. I hope it gets better, but I don’t have a lot of hope at this point. Maybe I’ll go numb eventually. Here’s hoping🤞