I (37f) have lived with my partner (40m) for our entire adult lives. Many downs including his serious drug addiction, death of 2 of his siblings, his near death experiences, his secret purchasing of 2 houses without my knowing, finding forums online where he rants about me and how disgusted he is by me, his arrest and rehab experience- most of this has happened while my mother has been very ill with cancer. There are also many ups including him being there for me, standing up for me when I needed someone on my side, helping me rebuild my house, driving us to far away hospitals when Mom had surgeries, and providing financially.
I am writing now not to rant about all of that past stuff (as I realize it's a lot of negative) rather to see if my feelings on a new development are valid.
He is a homebody, but last night stayed out til 5 am. I called almost 60 times, and he wouldn't answer- only messaged me to say he was okay. When he came home he said hello but then went straight to the TV room and shut the doors, slept on the couch. I had very restless sleep and decided to confront him at 8 am. He refused to tell me where he was but almost confirmed he was with a woman… but I was crying and that made him very angry. He refused to tell me where he was or what was happening. He kept repeating that I was pissing him off. I explained that its the not knowing that was driving me crazy. It's like my brain won't shut up, I can't get a moment's peace in my mind. Even though logic tells me he was with a woman and I should just accept that as truth, it's the uncertainty that makes me so unsettled. I think it's cruel of him to hold the truth from me, but he says I'm bullying him into telling me and that it isn't his responsibility to "put my mind at ease." I really don't know if it's unacceptable of me to demand to know. I'm worried about being abusive and learning abusive behaviors. I want my next relationship to be healthy. I want to make sure I'm treating people well in the future.
TLDR: Long term partner stays out all night and says he doesn't owe me an explanation. I really don't know if I'm owed an explanation or not.