My boyfriend (37m) of 6 months and I (34f) just moved in together, and while we previously limited our phone use in each other’s presence, we are now almost always around each other outside of work. Both he and I find ourselves on our phones around each other a lot more, especially decompressing after work. While on one hand mucking around on Reddit and showing each other the occasional funny meme feels fine, on the other hand I’m afraid maybe it’s too much phone time and we should be paying more attention to each other to keep our relationship healthy.
I’m trying to compare it to the 90’s when my family would read around each other a lot, but now instead of books it’s phones – but not sure if this applies.
I’m a recovering avoidant, so I tend to look at anything and everything as “alert, doom!”, but I’m trying to figure out what’s normal or acceptable. I know “everyone is different”, but it would help knowing other peoples opinions and experiences and methods of making sure phone-use doesn’t get out of hand.
TL;DR! What do you think is an acceptable amount of phone usage in your partner’s presence?
2 comments
Just be willing to communicate with your partner ‘hey I need some intimate time together without technology’ and it should solve your concerns.
I don’t know that you need to set specific time limits on phones, but instead you should set boundaries on phones during specific activities or set aside specific “relationship time.” Think of this as time like before you lived together. Being in each other’s vicinity isn’t the same as spending quality time together, so make sure there is still dedicated time to focus on each other.
Some people have a date night set aside each week where you go out and do something together. Some people have a “no phones during meals” boundary. Some people set aside time right before bed to cuddle and talk and check in. It’s whatever works for you, just make sure you’re communicating about it and dedicating that time.