TLDR; I've been with my boyfriend for two years, but finding out he follows tons of suggestive accounts makes me feel uneasy, and I'm not sure how to bring it up.
I have been with my bf for over 2 years now, and live together. Recently I saw him downloading suggestive videos from TikTok. I also have sent him TikTok’s via text and when you open them, it will tell the sender what account viewed the video you watched. So I then ended finding the name of his alt account and saw he was following over 1.2k people. I did talk to him about it. The conversation seemed productive enough and he said he doesn’t even know how he followed sm people (ok..), and also that he atleast shouldn’t have been doing it around me and he did apologize for being reckless enough for me to see. I told him it makes me uncomfortable because it’s like following people vs just watching porn. That was a conversation about 3 weeks ago.
1) since the conversation his following count has increased by over 100. Even in our conversation I made sure to tell him how I found his TikTok’s username so he knows I know it.
2) He also has an alt Twitter, Instagram, and Reddit for the same things which seems like overkill. I understand watching porn casually, but having so much where you are following these women feels off to me. Even if it’s a “mindless” follow.
3) some of what he downloads is also just soft soft core things because it’s from Instagram or TikTok. So TikTok dancers or pretty girls just lip syncing, “normal” people. I have told him before that for me feeling pretty feels more valuable than sexy from him. So the mix of sex sex sex and then just pretty girls feels like hard not to compare since in regular porn it’s actors, angles, light production, sound production, etc.
My questions are:
How do I have a productive follow-up conversation about this? Like how do I even bring it up, I think the best way is to mention the increased follower count but how do I say that without sounding like Im constantly watching what he does? And Is it reasonable to ask him to show me what’s in his hidden folders/who he’s following as a way to rebuild trust, or could that cross a line?