What do yall think about the “women pay for makeup, men pay for 1st date” standard? And how is it justified?

21 comments

1. I don’t think men are responsible for women doing their makeup… if you want to wear makeup, that’s your prerogative if it makes you feel good. And it’s not like you’re spending a shit ton of money on one application even if the products are expensive.

   I like if a man pays for the first date as it’s more traditional and gentlemanly, but it’s not a must. Especially if the date is pretty subpar, I don’t mind splitting the bill. It’s both my time and his time.

2. I don’t wear makeup so I wouldn’t expect him to pay for that. I don’t think that is really justified anyway. If it’s a first date and he asked, we split or he pays. If I asked, we split or I pay.

3. I don’t wear makeup so that would be unfair to him. I would prefer each person pays for what they eat and drink themselves.

4. Very silly. I do not get dolled up for men, I get dolled up so my friends tell me my face card goes insane and then emulate my makeup looks.

5. I have never heard of that standard before and I think it’s pretty dumb. I don’t even wear makeup, and will gladly split on a date, or even pay for it myself.

6. Never heard of it.

7. people with those kind of mentality never makes a good partner relationship is not a money thing

8. Sounds like bullshit incel rhetoric. I’ve never met anyone in person who thinks that way.

9. For me, the amount I spend on skincare and make up, fake tan, mani pedis, botox etc. far exceeds a couple of drinks or dinner. Tho I just love generous guys, I want to be spoiled and treated because they want to and they like me. Not because of any tit for tat or societal norm.

10. Chances are I make more money than my date, so I have no problem paying for it.

11. [removed]

12. I’m 50 and it’s my first time hearing this. If someone ask you out-they are inviting them somewhere on their dime. That’s the rule. No need to add anything else. If you ask someone out for dinner, you are offering them dinner, or a movie etc.

13. Touch grass.

    People don’t actually think like this. The standard is, and should be, whoever initiates the date, pay for it. Yes men initiate 90% of the time but that’s just how it goes

14. I always pay for myself on the first date because I don’t want men to think I owe them anything.

15. That’s not standard.

16. This is very complicated because you’re asking on a basix level of people who do this when there is actually a lot of anthropological aspects to this.

    A lot of the answers here are very first wave feminism which I get, we’re on reddit.

    Being a woman costs more than being a man. From periods to day to day costs, women incur more. They’re a larger market for sales, pink tax is a never ending thing. Women’s clothes are lower standard in shops statistically, they have to buy more frequently to stay on trend. Women’s haircuts cost more. Soaps, shampoos, perfumes, blister plasters for your heels. When women get married and have children, they are more likely to spend all their paycheck on the household than their male counterparts.

    All of this is to say, that a woman will inherently have spent more getting to that date than her male equivalent will have.

    Does that mean a man has to pay for the date? No

    But men generally have been expected to because generally men earn more and have more disposable income throughout all of time and history.

    If I knew a friend was driving 100km to see me, I’d buy the coffees because I know they paid for fuel. It’s not sexist, it’s not patronizing, it’s just appreciating the effort.

    Now onto the personal experience. If I like a guy, I’ll let him pay or I’ll pay, saying I’d do the next date. If I don’t like you, I’ll go dutch so I have no obligation to see you ever again. To this day, my husband and I still each take turns so we “owe” each other another date.

17. I never dress up on a first date. I always look nice and presentable. 
    But I save the extra effort for when i think it’s going somewhere, and I feel like I want to start to impress.  

    On a first date, I want to be comfortablely me, ‘worts and all’ as it were. And that usually means no make up.  

    I also let the guy pay if I like him and want to go on a second date and tell him that the next one is on me.  

    If I’m not interested, i insist on going halves.

    Edit spelling 

18. I put a lot more effort into my body than men and sometimes I get burns and many problems as a result.

    The man does not remove his body hair and does not care about his body being smooth and has dark circles under his eyes and scars.

19. Don’t understand this

20. I’ve never heard of this expectation. Honestly it sounds like some internet bullshit. I don’t wear makeup and I expect to split the bill.

    I know that there’s a strong social expectation in the USA that men pay for everything on dates, but that’s not common elsewhere. It’s probably a good idea to have a conversation about it before deciding whether to go on a date with someone.

21. I don’t think it’s justified because it’s also a choice to put on make up. No doubt that physical attraction is key when it comes to attracting others but it depends on who you’re looking for. I don’t put on heavy make up, I take good care of myself otherwise like being in shape (gym membership) and eating well but I also expect my partner to be fit and healthy in terms of habits.

    But when it comes to paying for things, it depends on each other’s income and earning power. Right now I’m a student with part time jobs while my partner works as a software engineer with a more stable income. I would appreciate it if he takes a bigger percentage when it comes to paying for things but it’s not like I’m sitting there doing nothing. I pay for rent, and we split groceries evenly. I can’t afford to go out to nice places all the time but if he wants to, then it’s his choice and it has to be on his tab unless if we decide to go somewhere together. I do more housework and cook for us, so he can save more money by taking food to work and have delicious food basically every day. We do what we can.

    But early dating days, then sure, I don’t think it’s the same with just first few dates vs relationship. Finance discussion is an important thing to deal with when living together.