What to do when you feel hesitant to settle down, but also scared to leave a great woman?
I'm about to turn 40 and I'm in a wonderful relationship, probably the best I've ever had. She understands me and we are extremely compatible. We've been together almost 3 years.
As in any relationship, things aren't perfect.
My number 1 priority in life is travel and adventure, I left the USA 15 years ago and have lived all over the world. I really love a nomadic lifestyle.
Problem is, she has a cat and would probably not give it up, nor would I want her to. It's not really compatible with my lifestyle.
We've talked about this seriously, and I nearly left the relationship over it. I am in a space now where I'm trying to come to terms with less freedom of location.
The sex has always been decent, but it's becoming less and less exciting, almost a chore at this point.
I do find myself attracted to other women as well, all the time, but have repressed this part of myself.
I've sort of accepted that this is a reality of long term partnership, and hoping that the other benefits will outweigh the lack of excitement in the bedroom.
I do not want children, which I communicated right away.
She says that she's ok without kids too, though I wonder if she was with someone else if that would change. She's 36 and I don't want to burn any more of those years where she could have children.
This whole thing probably reads like I'm fishing for an excuse or approval to leave the relationship, but I don't feel that way.
I actually have an engagement ring now and was planning to propose soon, but I'm having some doubts and don't want to make the wrong move here, for both of our sakes.
When I imagine a life with her, it brings me joy and peace, but also feelings that I've betrayed my core mission in life, and a fear that looking back in 20 years I'll have burned the opportunity to be who I really wanted to be.
Mostly looking for general perspective and wisdom from men over 35+ who had some similar feelings of fear of commitment.
Perhaps especially from anyone who chose to leave a great relationship, or almost left and ultimately decided to stay.
*TLDR: In a fantastic relationship that feels a bit restrictive and boring, afraid I'm betraying myself by settling down, also afraid I'd be a fool to give up what many others would love to have.
*Edited for length and readability