I (33F) am overwhelmed to the point of panic about how many friends I have. It’s genuinely causing me so much stress. I have friends I’ve known my whole life, friends from previous jobs, sports, hobbies, high school, university.
For me, I know it’s related to having a traumatic childhood, seeking validation and a sense of community, and having poor boundaries. I make friends extremely easily. I have very close friends, but also people that I view as casual friends who often view me as a close friend.
I live on a working farm with my husband (33M) and son (4M). My son has additional needs and prioritizing his socialization takes up a lot of my social energy.
I have chronic health issues and I’ve become very physically run down. I am in touch with probably 8-20 friends a day (2-3 that I speak to everyday, and then the others will be a rotation of other friends), plus group chats. I can't keep up. It’s gotten to the point where my FB inbox is full of messages I can’t even bring myself to open, countless texts I haven’t replied to. People get in touch to see if they’ve done something wrong and I spend all my time apologising and explaining that I’m just sick and overwhelmed and frantically busy. More messages come in. I’ll make plans bc I feel guilty and then cancel last minute because I’m not well enough.
I constantly feel like shit. I end up putting out fires out with less close friends and then don’t do justice to my most treasured friendships.
The thing is, even if I just maintained contact with the friends I really love and have a genuine connection with, it’s still too many people.
Ridiculously, I also feel lonely – I have so many people to see that I end seeing each person only sporadically, and what I crave is seeing a few people regularly (I see one close friend 2 times a week, but my other close friends live far away at the moment).
I either feel lonely or I feel suffocated and guilty. I honestly don’t know what to do. I seriously fantasize about getting a serious illness bc I could have some guilt-free quiet time, or moving to another country.
Tl;dr the number of people in my life is suffocating and I don't know what to do.