My boyfriend (M22) and I (F26) have been together for 6 months. During the talking stage of our relationship, I reconnected with my ex, which included a brief physical interaction. While we weren’t officially together at the time, it still caused significant hurt to my current boyfriend. I regret that decision and have since cut off contact with my ex.
Since then, my boyfriend and I have worked through it, maintaining open communication. However, his best friend’s girlfriend (F21) still has strong negative feelings about me due to what happened. She created a separate group chat without me and asks my boyfriend not to bring me to gatherings, citing concerns about the group’s dynamic. Although my boyfriend stands up for me, he doesn’t believe he can change her mind.
I feel isolated and anxious about the situation, even though I know I can’t control how others feel. I don’t want to come between my boyfriend and his friends, but it’s tough feeling left out of the group.
What are some ways I can address my feelings without escalating the tension within the group?
I don’t want this situation to affect my relationship but I catch myself feeling irritated whenever it’s brought up. Is there any way to better myself and feel less anxious/upset about this?
2 comments
It’s understandable that you feel isolated and anxious in this situation, especially after working through things with your boyfriend. It’s great that you’ve maintained open communication with him, but it’s also important to focus on how you can navigate this tension without letting it affect your well-being or relationship.
First, it might be helpful to have a calm conversation with your boyfriend about how this situation is making you feel, even if he’s already aware. Express your appreciation for him standing up for you, but also discuss setting boundaries for when he’s with his friend’s girlfriend to avoid escalating the situation. This way, he can continue spending time with his friends while ensuring you’re not being excluded or feeling left out.
As for the girlfriend, it might not be productive to confront her directly, but it could help to focus on how you *respond* to the situation. You can’t control her feelings, but you can control how much power you give her actions. Try not to dwell too much on her behavior, and instead, focus on nurturing your other friendships or hobbies to feel more grounded and less anxious.
Lastly, give yourself grace. It’s natural to feel irritated or hurt when someone holds onto a grudge, but in time, she may soften her stance, especially if you show that you and your boyfriend are strong and moving forward. For now, focus on maintaining your own peace and not letting this situation take over your emotional space.
Honestly she’s treating you so unfairly – you really did nothing wrong- considering you weren’t actually dating your current bf at the time of seeing you ex. She needs to get over it. Also, sounds like you’re quite a healthy person that’s actively working on your relationship in a positive way.
She’s way out of line, and it’s none of her business who her bfs bff dates 🤣
Honestly your boyfriend should be the one to address this situation, he should honestly be more offended by the fact his friends aren’t accepting of his partner and have also implicated themselves into his relationship. It’s none of their business.
Maybe speak to him about this- you’ve done everything you can by the sounds of it. And tbh what you’ve done is in no way bad enough to illicit this kind of exclusion.
Your bf needs to take responsibility and tell his mates girlfriend to sit the fuck down and let him live his life.