I (m30+) have regularly seen a therapist for a couple of months now and I guess that’s been going okay, but just wanted to see if any other dudes have insight or can share their experiences.
Coming up to a year now from the final discard from an on again off again relationship – the off being her cheating on me every time after engineering/profiting off me having a drunken mental health crisis – which I guess is why I’ve been thinking about this girl so much lately. I genuinely hate her. I have such horrible negative thoughts towards her, which I guess I can boil down to hoping she feels the various pain she’s made me feel over the span of us.
And I wish that instead of all this anger, I just felt nothing toward her. I wish I didn’t think about her every day. Keeping all this negative energy is not good. I keep fucking up relationships / opportunities I have with other women because any time they show me compassion, I lose my shit and get hostile and/or withdrawn. Whether it’s some random chick at a bar or a woman I’ve had feelings for half my life, I just find it damn near impossible to trust anything they say. Especially when it comes to feelings. Which I know isn’t “right”.
But yeah, in the interest of being healthier, I just wanted to know if any of you experienced something like this, and if the anger ever goes away.