Need some advice if I should continue to date this girl I've been seeing. It's been a little over a month now and I really like her. At first impression I was hoping she can potentially be my life partner but as the weeks have went by I am starting to feel unsure if she is "the one". However, I am still collecting data and still want to give it a shot
I am feeling this way because she has brought up her EX on WEEK 2 and I can't remember how many times she has brought him up, but I would say at least once a week leading up to now. She is no longer in contact with him but is traumatized from the experience. She went through a toxic and abusive relationship mentally and physically. This is something I have never experienced — my past relationships or girls I've dated usually ends healthy and we respectfully part ways.
I would say I am a pretty well put person, calm, and confident in myself. But when she brings her EX up it makes me incredibly uncomfortable and unsure if she is fit to date. She did mention that she had to take a year off from dating since her breakup and that's where I come into the picture. She says she is happy and over him but it is clear to me that she isn't if she brings him up in conversation. She says it is healthy to talk about past relationships but that is something I don't agree on. What's the point?
It makes me question if I am just wasting my time though I want this to work truthfully. The feeling hurts me a bit and I have a odd feeling she doesn't respect me.
A few things about me:
I have a great career with a lot of autonomy (150k+ and stable)
I have a great relationship with my family
I have awesome friends who are ambitious and always want to get better
I am fit and healthy (I do triathlons + ultra marathons as my hobbies)
I am a homebody who likes to learn about finances and health/wellness/nutrition
I don't drink or party often
All buckets are filled but the one thing I am missing is a partner to join me on this journey, this is where I am lacking and I yearn for where it hurts sometimes; I want love and a best friend
I am looking for a partner who shares those same values as me.
But it ALSO makes me a little insecure too that she still wants to "party" even though we are in our 30's now. I feel like I am way past that, ready for a family, a home, the world to explore. I don't mind if my partner goes out and hangs out with girlfriends but raves, concerts, bars or whatever makes me a bit insecure that she's in places where people seek out to mingle and environments she can be hit on. Calculating chances that she can potentially cheat on me in the future. Who knows? But it is an insecurity of mine. I personally wouldn't do that if I am seriously dating or in a relationship with my partner that I would be in those type of situations OFTEN.
Also to add, she has a lot of "guy" friends too and yes, I know, I shouldn't judge because everyone entitled to their right of friends. But these guys are people she parties with. I have a sense this can be a recipe for disaster that she can be un-loyal to me down the road and be cheated on. Yeah, incredibly insecure on my end
To her credit she brings a lot of things to the table too:
A great career stable career (150k+)
Great relationship with her parents
Friends who care about her
Sweet and able to take jokes and give jokes
We've gotten to physical intimacy too, its incredible so no problems there. The only thing I'm having trouble with is her past trauma with her EX and she goes out often with her "guy" and "girl" friends and not a lot of time for me. I am a quality of time type of person and a homebody whereas she is more of a social butterfly.
Any suggestions? Am I thinking too much? Should I give it a fair chance and see where it goes? Are there any red flags on my end that I could work on?