A co-worker of mine, who is a part of our work ‘friendgroup’, has been making a lot of sly digs at me and constantly interrupts me, while at the same time smiling and pretending to be friendly. I brushed it off for a while, but recently it’s become really frustrating.
An angry argument at work is a no-go and bringing it forward to our boss is difficult because it’s so subtle that I’m not sure they’ll want to do anything about it.
Still, I don’t want to just back down and I want to show them that, while we don’t have to like each other, their behaviour is not acceptable. But what I’m really thorwn off is the fake friendly attitude…
What would you do?
16 comments
Give it back to her
May I ask what she says?
This person can sense they are affecting you and it fuels them.
Like in any other situation, you must stan for yourself.. It doesn’t mean that you should have angry argument with him, but to call him on the side, and tell him what is the problem… Eyes to eyes, be serious, but not in the fight mode… I am sure that this will be enough…
1. Don’t show that her words affect you, thats the only reason she’s keeping it up because your agitation fuels her.
2. If needed, fire back.
But never just stay quiet, always stand up for yourself in some way or another because not doing anything will give her the impression that you’re an easy target and her digs will just get worse. Staying calm and snapping back with a soft tone will surely make her dial down a bit. Also try not to get other people involved, this is between you two not to mention its a work environment.
Interrupt back and say “Excuse me, the adults are talking now.”
When I had a co worker doing this to me I didn’t handle it the most professional way but it was very effective and they didn’t interrupt me ever again. I was talking and as usual they interrupted me and I said wait shut the fuck up im talking and I’m not talking over you. This was after several months of me trying to say it nicely and it didn’t work. Unfortunately some people don’t get it until it is said this way to them.
I’d be passive-aggressive as fuuuuck, emphasis on the aggressive. The next time you get interrupted by them, say “ohh reeeaaaaallyyyy???” in the most sarcastic tone possible. The only way to get someone to stop being rude to you is to match their energy. Once they realize that they can’t punk you anymore, they’ll stop.
Some of the responses here make it clear that they don’t work in a professional setting and/or are not adults. Be careful of the advice you get here. Most users here are teenagers who have somewhat unrealistic ideas about what flies or doesn’t in the workplace.
Tbh to deal with this stuff you have to play the same kind of game as the person making digs at you is playing.
If she is continually interrupting you, you can say something like “if you’re done interrupting me Susan…” And then continue with your speech. This subtly calls her out and you can guarantee that her behavior isn’t going unnoticed by the rest of your team and probably isn’t endearing herself to them either though she thinks it does.
For something like the computer issue dig she made you can try to say something witty like “Yes,I’m sure you’ve *never* had computer issues Susan.” But honestly sometimes just a visible eye roll and ignoring her comment and simply not responding works well too. You can even make eye contact with your boss in a “are you seeing this shit?” kind of way.
It may be difficult thing to do, but I would pull her aside and have a word. Just a gentle acknowledgment that, as you say, we may not like each other but let’s keep it civil for the sake of ease.
From the sounds of it, she might be the type to make a deal out of it with others and play it off like she’s the victim. So don’t get too argumentative about it, just be gentle and fair. If anyone brings it up, like your boss, then you can tell them what’s been going down and how it’s frustrating you.
Or she may gain respect for your professionalism and leave out the cattiness. Let her know that you see what she’s doing and it isn’t going to fly with you.
You’re entitled to feel annoyed and to voice your discontent.
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Ask that person if they have time to meet with you.
Approach them why the “have i angered you?” Let them know about the times they……and close with ” I just don’t want to misread you for the sake of……
I have the same situation except that this person is my boss. Fucking dick head
Just talk to her in a friendly manner, alone. Chances are she thinks she’s being funny, but if she knows it’s genuinely upsetting you, she might feel differently. She also might be a bitch, at which point you can escalate it to your boss. Let him know she’s creating a hostile work environment for you, and you have tried to talk to her about it and she refused. Word it exactly like that, then elaborate as to how. If your boss knows his ass from a hole in the ground, he’ll realize the liability that presents to him and the company and will talk to the coworker.
Passive aggressive behavior I’m quite familiar with, as it runs in my family. Not necessarily advocating this, but it’s worked through my lifetime. At the appropriate time confront them in private and clearly spell out the issues and consequences should their behavior towards you continue. Think it through beforehand, and stand your ground. Bullies and passive aggressive types will most often back off.
Learn some assertive phrases. “Please just let me finish my point…”