This is a very long post. I’ve been feeling an overall lack of intimacy between me (25F) and my gf (27F) together 2 years. We’ve had problems/discussions about how she has a lower sex drive than me and how I’m not satisfied numerous times. Its an on going conversation that i try to ignore sometimes or continuously try to find a compromise for with no avail. She’s expressed to me that she is content with our sex life and she doesn’t actively think about sex as much as me. I realize I have a higher sex drive but I feel like wanting sex more than 4-5x a month is valid at my age. We’ve been dating almost 3 years out of all this time i feel like the first 6 months was the most frequently we had sex and it kinda went down from there. We used to be in hotels alot and had a lot of car sex and im sure that played a reason in why it was more frequent. We stopped doing both. We both live at home with our parents and its more difficult because of that too. Im the more spontaneous and open type, i liked the car sex and exhilarating rush fucking with our parents home lmao. We plan on moving out soon (our own apartments not together) and im worried itll just be worse
I’ve definitely started to feel like we only have sex when she wants it. Which again isnt very often. Ive mentioned that to her before and she’s expressed how it isn’t true and we have sex when “we both want it” but in a fake world, i could have sex everyday. So its not when we both want it. I’d even take 2-3x a week. Its hard not feeling like im unwanted or unloved when Im the only one initiating most times and sometimes turned down where it feels like im needy. She’ll even sext & grope me but if i expect it to lead to sex im usually always disappointed. I even made a point to test how valid that statement was and didn’t initiate sex at all, so i wont feel like im begging, and she never initiated once.
Ive never ever experienced sex partners with a similar sex drive as me and its always made me feel like im asking for too much or im begging and being “too horny”. This is my first relationship but Ive always been very sexual my entire life. I’ve quickly come to learn that intimacy is what i really crave, and sex being a piece of that is lacking for me. Amongst other things.
We’ve exhausted so many conversations about possible solutions that it feels pointless. Yet im still unsatisfied and i dont want this to cause resentment. I would hate to break up over something like this.
Recently i came up with the idea to be abstinent for 3 months. Ive gone long periods not having sex in the past (when single) because its easier for me to be content with not having frequent sex that way. I know my gf doesnt take conflict or discourse well, so it took me a while to finally tell her that i think it would be better that we dont have sex. Since we have problems with communication the conversation didn’t go well at all. Of course she didnt like the pussy strike idea and she assumed i wanted to break up. She thinks eventually i will want to leave her because im not satisfied.. even though this compromise is my way of preventing us from getting to that. But eventually she told me if thats what i wanted. Its already been a month into abstinence and i feel like i barely get any intimacy. I felt like we could work on intimacy in our relationship overall because she’s told me that she doesn’t know any other forms of intimacy other than sex. Which is a problem to me. She hasnt had a lot previous or frequent sex partners before me.
We dont make out much. When we do I get 30 seconds. She claims it’ll turn her on too much and it’s disappointing because we arent having sex. Kissing fulfills me the same way sex does, its a form of intimacy and it feels very selfish of her. I just dont know what to do about it. I saw the dead bedroom subreddit and i dont want it to get to that point. I’ve exhausted options. I wanna keep the pussy strike until we work on intimacy but im suffering in the process