Now I’m not one to complain about some extra time in the bed but my wife (39F) has had a pretty interesting change in bedroom habits. Used to, her libido was below average. Maybe 4 times a month. No big deal. I can live with that. Suddenly, she seems to want to all the time out of nowhere. Like multiple times per week. Then it takes her forever to go. Used to be like 10 minutes tops. While I’m not complaining per se, I do find the sudden shift a bit strange. Any idea?
Edit to add: she used to shut me down all the time when I would ask. Again, I would be bummed but whatever. It’s how her body works and there were some bad history in her upbringing which made me understand the situation and not push or complain. However, there has been once or twice lately where I haven’t been in the mood be it stress, tiredness, or not feeling well. She gets super bent out of shape about it and makes me feel bad. I never used to do that with her. I remind her of how I have been shut down more times than I can count over the years but she kinda blows me off.
8 comments
How old is she?
It could be menopause.
Us women in our late-30s go through a “second wind” of sexual awakening, oftentimes more powerful in our teens and early 20’s.
The running theory/evidence behind it is that we are generally more secure with ourselves, we found our “safe” people (generally our long -term partners) to have uninhibited sexual experiences in, or it’s our evolutionary biology kicking in and telling us it’s our last “hurrah” before menopause kicks in.
That’s why we’re frisky 🤤
Hormone change possibly. Not necessarily a bad thing. Just be willing to adapt with her and keep your marriage strong. Change isn’t always bad
Consider some toys for her. Not because you don’t want to put in the effort but because they enhance the experience.
One of my better friends was in couples counseling because his wife rarely wanted sex. Then, like someone turned on a light switch, it was like she was trying to kill him with sex.
You can’t ‘therapy’ in or out of something controlled largely by hormones.
I’m 49 and on TRT. I’m horny for my wife all the time like I’m a 20YO.
I would say possible perimenopause. I’m 39 and have been experiencing the same. Hormone changes has changed my habits.
Count your blessings. Some of us would dream to be in your shoes!
This is super common. In general my wife has A much higher sex drive than me but there’s been many times in our 20+ years together where that would drop from wanting it daily to not wanting it for a week or more.
This actually is kinda happening currently, as earlier this year we were having sex or oral sex daily and right now it’s more like 2x a week.
For some people (I hate to say especially woman but I think it’s scientifically true), sex is very mental. It is not just about being horny but also how you feel about your body, how stressed you are, how tired you are, etc. while other people can shut all that out and just be completely ready to go at the drop of… Well the underwear 😂
Chances are if she had a previous mental block of some sorts and has worked thru it, either consciously or subconsciously, this is her body’s way of overcompensating and things will even our.
But I definitely feel you on the last part. My wife used to do that to me all the time. If she said no I might be disappointed but otherwise fine. If I say no, she gets upset. it doesn’t happen often anymore, both of us recognize that sometimes even if we’re not in the mood saying yes can still be amazing. But I think that also has a lot to do with communication and understanding each other’s needs and general way they handle things in life.