Break up was mutual and cordial. Two weeks after we started talking again and he said he wants to try again, and I honestly would like to too. The day after we broke up I saw someone and have been seeing him since, no emotions just sex. I tried to explain to my ex that I have no emotions for this new guy but he just blows up when I told him about it. For instance yesterday the topic of getting back together came up and he said something like “I was working on myself in our break and you went to go blow some random black guy you have only known for 30 mins at a bar”. Those words f-ing hurt to hear and I feel ashamed of what happened, but he wont let this go. Any advice helps.
Tl;dr: Ex and I trying to get back together
14 comments
If he won’t let this go, and if he’s going to make you feel bad for it, then he doesn’t deserve to be with you. Stick up for yourself and don’t get back together with someone who doesn’t respect you and makes you feel bad.
Why should you feel ashamed, you were a single woman entitled to do whatever you wanted? By the way, the mention of his being black seems quite racist.
This is something you just fundamentally disagree on.
For him it seems sex will require an emotional component, you don’t. Thats ok.
You have to face it you jumped in to bed with someone else very quickly, im not judging you here but it was very very quick
and if i was him i would kind of take that as an indication you weren’t really upset about breaking up in the first place or maybe you had this guy hanging around waiting. I dont think that is true from reading this post but i suspect his mind will be thinking along those lines
The point is he is gonna view how he is gonna view and i dont think you can really change his mind on it.
He either has to accept that you are someone who doesnt view sex the way he does and is willing to sleep with someone else immediately after a break up, accept that as who you are, or…. he doesn’t
You can’t force him to accept im sorry. He has to decide he is ok with it
Are you sure it’s beneficial to both of you to get back together? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it but it’s not always worth fixing if it is.
Why the fuck would you want to get back together with him after that anyway
He’s bad news. Not only is he treating you as if you were unfaithful to him (which you were not since you weren’t together when this happened), but I get the feeling that he is going to hold this over your head indefinitely. Life is too short to deal with such nonsense.
Quit tolerating this emotional abuse from your ex. Keep him as “EX”.
honestly hes right if thats the truth sit the f down
It’s not gonna work. He’ll never get over it; you’re likely done with him. Time to move on.
Actually, he has a valid if racist point.
You are incompatible on a fundamental level based on his trying to fix himself and remain true while you are fucking other people.
It doesn’t make you bad, just incompatible. He clearly valued being with you, where you didn’t care about him.
Going by your actions you deserve to be with someone who would also fuck other people the moment you split up
He deserves someone who wouldn’t.
It isn’t the be all and end all just how it is, let him go find someone more attuned to taking the relationship seriously and has more self respect.
There is nothing explicitly wrong with fucking someone you met the day you meet them, its just, riskier in terms of disease, and suggests that you don’t mind banging someone you don’t really know. Also it suggests your previous relationship holds zero value to you and your ex doesn’t matter to you at all.
These things are part of how people grow and learn, I hope you don’t feel bad for being who you are, instead I hope you come to just accept that your actions have consequences, if you want a different outcome you should act differently.
he will never let it go even if he says he did, while what you did is none of his business and shouldn’t matter to alot of men it does matter. what goes on in his head is along the lines of “how can she say she cared for me if she immediately went and fucked someone else the day after I would never do that to her” for some guys sex is hugely important and the barometer of the relationship, as they aren’t emotionally mature.
Why are you referring to this as a cordial break up but he is referring it to as a break?
Well… the racism stands out as a red flag to me. Also, he gets points off for shaming you instead of expressing his hurt in a more constructive way. Honestly, what you did during the break up is none of his business. He’s allowed to be hurt, but you didn’t fundamentally owe him anything.
I’m concerned about the way he speaks to you. That is not an emotionally mature or healthy person.
Don’t get back together with him. He’s got too much resentment to make this work.
If you sleep with someone else very quickly after ending a relationship, expect that to taint any possibility of reconciling that relationship. It sucks but people have feelings about that.