So, I'm a 25F and my boyfriend (28M) started a company a while ago with his business partner (also 28M). When we first started talking, we had some small fights as we were still figuring out how to align our expectations and experiences. Fast forward to about 4 months into our relationship—by then, we were already exclusive, though he hadn't officially asked me to be his girlfriend because I wasn't ready after coming out of a 1.5-year relationship.
Around that time, with his permission, I went through his Instagram DMs and found some messages between him and his business partner talking about me. These messages were exchanged about a month after we met, and we were already somewhat serious. I liked him a lot at that point. In those messages, they discussed my family's money, and my boyfriend called me "needy," a "fucker," and a few other things. Seeing him talk about me like that hurt, especially since I was growing more affectionate toward him. I only went through his messages once, and I asked for permission beforehand.
When I confronted him, he apologized profusely, admitting he was immature and nervous because of the small fights we were having at the time. He promised it wouldn't happen again, and as far as I know, he's kept his word and hasn't broken my trust since. However, his business partner never seemed to warm up to me. I tried to build a friendly relationship by following him on Instagram, but he didn't follow back. Later, I found out he was following my sister on Instagram and LinkedIn, even though they don't know each other. I have a complicated relationship with her, so this felt uncomfortable to me. After my boyfriend spoke to him, the partner followed me back, but once I realized he was still following my sister, I decided to unfollow him and keep my distance.
Now, the partner is dating a new girl and wants my boyfriend and me to meet her. He even suggested that she and I could become friends. This makes me uncomfortable, especially when I recall how my boyfriend and his partner talked about me at the beginning of our relationship. Hearing the partner talk so positively about his new girlfriend adds to the weirdness I feel.
I'm struggling with how to handle this situation and how it's making me feel. Should I keep my distance from his partner, or try to move past these feelings? What would be a good way to approach this with my boyfriend and set boundaries with the partner?
TL;DR: I found hurtful messages between my boyfriend and his business partner early in our relationship, but my boyfriend apologized, and we moved on (or at least I try to forget). However, his partner has always been distant, even following my sister instead of me on social media. Now, the partner wants me to meet his new girlfriend, which makes me uncomfortable. Should I distance myself or try to set boundaries with both of them?