I had this situation over the weekend and I’d really appreciate an outside opinion on a text interaction.
I was at 26F’s house and left to see my son at his mother’s house. I wasn’t initially just going to pop in and say hi, but during the drive my son’s mother called and offered to drop my son off at my house for a few hours instead. So I drove home to spend time with my son. While there, the following interaction occurred:
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\[26F calls me and it goes to voicemail.\]
26F: “Can you call me?”
Me: “Yes, I will in a bit. There was a change of plans and I’m playing with \[my son\]. I have to run him back to \[his mom’s house\] in a few and I’ll call afterward. That work?”
26F: “A change of plans, or you acted like plans were different because you thought I’d ask to get together?”
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I’m wondering how to interpret the final response from 26F. Does this feel like an earnestly communicated attempt to clarify the situation, or am I overreacting in feeling like it was a passive aggressive accusation.
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tl;dr Was planning to see my son and there was a change of plans. I’m wondering how I should interpret a resulting text interaction.
3 comments
Don’t try to interpret her text. Just ask her what she means directly. You need to communicate here. For what it’s worth, her tone sounds accusatory to me.
Ask her directly… no need to interpret toxic sentences.
>26F: “A change of plans, or you acted like plans were different because you thought I’d ask to get together?”
That sort of response would get my tingly senses telling me that this person has a high need for quality time and has some insecurities around that, since their immediate assumption is that I don’t want to spend time with them. Consequently, I would be concerned about their ability to manage a relationship with me as a coparent because I would not be able to prioritize meeting their need for quality time since my time with the little one is restricted and therefore will consistently be prioritized over time with them as a partner.
>Does this feel like an earnestly communicated attempt to clarify the situation, or am I overreacting in feeling like it was a passive aggressive accusation.
I don’t think it’s passive aggressive because it is direct. I also don’t think it is an earnest attempt at clarification because it is accusatory and a close-ended question. I think earnest attempts come from a place of curiosity and openness rather than borne out of negative assumptions.