Hello, my fiance and I will get married soon but there is one problem I am concerned about.
We've been together for almost 3 years and even though it's not 100% amazing all the time (rather 90%) , I believe it's the right decision to marry him as he would be a good husband and someday a good father to our children, and I most importantly feel at peace when we're together since he barely barely stresses me out.
I am prone to overthinking, yet now I don't know if it's my intuition speaking or if I'm just having wedding jitters.
But…
I am scared our sexual life will turn out bad.
We haven't had intercourse as we both wait until marriage.
I never truly saw his full erect size in person but I have seen it hard on videos before when we had moments of weaknesses.
The first thing I realized was how small it looked like in his hand (we do have the same hand size).
I brushed it off thinking that it might have been the camera angle and I shouldn't be shallow but now my worries are eating me up..
I am very controlled but I fantasize about sexual intimacy a lot. Having a fulfilling sexual life with my husband is important to me so I've been always dreaming about the day I was finally able to experience it.
But I don't know if my husband can give me what I imagine it to be like.
I've read a lot about "the technique is more important" or "he can satisfy you otherwise aka orally or with hands" but I dont know if it will "fill me up" enough. He will also feel hurt when I want to use toys with him.
It sounds so unreasonable to make this a topic, but at the same time that sexual satisfaction is so important to me that I can't just overlook it and be scared that it will ruin us eventually.
I keep imagining the same scenario:
We are doing it and I just won't feel "him" properly inside of me and then he will tell by my face that I dont enjoy it. I will lose my motivation to do it again, our sex life dies before it has even begun, I am frustrated, he is frustrated.
*He did have intercourse many years ago when he was younger and drifting around in life so I asked him about his "performance" how it was and if his past partners ever said anything, if they were satisfied etc, but he gets defensive and doesn't want to talk to me about it so I assume he don't want to admit it in front of me.
I am sorry if I sound insensitive. I know a marriage is more than just that and we are a great Team. But I want us both to enjoy it equally and satisfy him as well.
**I have no problem with sex being weird at the beginning anyways. I'm pretty sure it will be funny/awkward. But i mean in general
Please please tell me how much is enough to satisfy a woman or just any actual advice I could follow. I assume he is below-average – average.