We have been together for seven years. We moved in together after two weeks, adopted a dog and a couple of cats, opened a joint bank account, met each others families, merged our friends into one tribe. It has been seven really good years. I'm happy.
I am not one of those people that need to be married. I don't need a ring, a ceremony, a piece of paper, to commit my life to the one person I love beyond all others. I am his wholly and completely. That isn't to say I'm against marriage, because I'm not. But getting a ring on my finger is not a priority for me.
When I have thought about it I imagine a small wedding with our parents, maybe our siblings, and the officiant. Barefoot on the beach. No fuss, nothing elaborate, something simple that we could throw together ourselves. Then off to a place we could relax, eat and drink without the formalities. If I had a dream wedding, it would be that or something similar.
Back in July my boyfriend was acting cagey. I knew he was up to something and trying to hide it. He is no good at trying to keep something under wraps. He's one of those people that, even though they don't say anything, act like they have a secret. I wasn't worried about his secret because I knew he would tell me eventually. I was thinking he was going to surprise me with a weekend getaway because I had been working long hours for a couple of months and that's the kind of thing he does.
One night I arrived home from work and his car wasn't in the drive, the house was dark, and the front door wide open. I sat in the street watching the house for a couple of minutes. There was no movement, no lights in the windows, nothing. I called my boyfriend four times, no answer. That wasn't like him. One missed call? Sure. Four missed calls? No. So I called the cops.
I was still on the phone with emergency services when they arrived. They came over to me, I gave them a run down on what I knew, which was nothing, and they went into the house. A few minutes later one of them came out and asked me to go in with them. They lead me through the house to the back patio. I had flipped the lights on as I entered and saw that a trail of rose petals took us right out the back. Where my boyfriend, wearing a tux and handcuffs, was sitting at our patio table that was set beautifully for dinner.
It goes without saying that the surprise proposal was ruined.
It has been about seven weeks since. Things are not good between us. It was a simple misunderstanding on my part. My boyfriend thinks I called the cops because I knew he was going to propose. He thinks that I don't want to marry him but instead of saying that, I found a way to make sure I wouldn't have to. We have discussed us getting married exactly once and that was in our first year of being together. I remember the conversation word for word because it was only a handful words.
Him – would you wear my ring?
Me – yeah
Him – when?
Me – surprise me
That was the extent of our discussion about marriage. I don't know how I was suppose to know he was going to ask five weeks ago from a half assed conversation from some six years ago.
I know I hurt him and I've apologised for doing so. He refuses to see how it came about that I called the cops. He went to his parents that night because he was upset, then came home an hour later because they thought it was hilarious. Everyone he tells thinks it's funny. He is the one telling people. Before this post I had not said anything to anyone because I know it upsets him.
I don't know what else to do. He doesn't believe me that it was a huge misunderstanding. Am I missing something? Did I break trust or harm him in some way that I'm just not getting? How do I approach this so I can fix it? At this point I'm thinking of proposing to him so we can move on from this.
17 comments
You have to consider two things here- The first being that this guy doesn’t know you very well if he truly thought one of these staged, made-for-social-media surprise proposals would be something you wanted. The second is that if he can’t see why you’d be completely freaked out to come home and find the door hanging open and him missing then his grasp on reality isn’t great. Maybe take some more to time to actually get to know each other.
Nope. They wouldn’t have put him in handcuffs and led you back to see him. Cute story though.
Why in the world did he leave the front door open?
> My boyfriend thinks I called the cops because I knew he was going to propose
…
Sorry but what does he think YOU thought the cops would do about him proposing? His logic makes no sense here. You obviously called the cops because the door was wide open (which again why the hell did he do that when he could have just left the lights on with a trail of petals for you to follow), which any reasonable person would do before entering a dark house alone.
You didn’t do anything wrong here. This could actually be a really funny story but it seems like he’s using the misunderstanding as a vehicle for an underlying assumption that you don’t want to marry him. I think it would be worthwhile to go to couples counseling here because either he’s an unreasonable person in general, he’s dealing with some residual trauma over how the police handled him, or this is a longstanding fear of his that’s bubbling up.
This is super fake lmao.
I’m sorry but this I A GREAT STORY. How is it ruined it even better, not boring at all 10/10
Honestly, I think it’s a hilarious story and if I was the bf I would be laughing about it
Your boyfriend thinks you called the cops *because you knew he was going to propose* and not for his painfully stupid and poorly thought out proposal that made you think your home had been burglarized? Jesus Christ. Maybe it’s worth abandoning this relationship if his head is so far up his own ass he can’t see what the actual issue is here.
Honestly, just wait until you get more responses to this post and send him the link
Leaving the door open and the lights off was incredibly stupid
I’m a grown ass man and I would have called the police too
What he did was idiotic and now he is pouting about it
OP’s soon to be fiance…if you read my post…stop being a baby
You had good intentions, but you screwed up the execution
It happens
This woman desperately wants to be with you. Stop fucking up a good thing, pull your head out of your butt, and propose
No big to do’s, no drones taking 360 videos.
Take her somewhere special to the both of you, get down on one knee, tell her how much you love her, and put the ring on her dang finger already
This is one of the dumbest made up additions to this sub.
Ngl, I was kinda prepared to read something silly…but what the heck!
Have you tried reversing the example? “What if you came home, it was dark out, the front door is wide open with seemingly nobody at home, and you couldn’t get ahold of me? Wouldn’t you be worried there was a home invasion? THAT is what I thought happened.”
The fact that he’s so upset about this / blaming you is VERY weird.
Your boyfriend meant well, but “empty driveway, dark house, front door hanging wide open” means exactly what you thought when you saw it, to anyone with a shred of common sense and a drive towards self-preservation. He got it almost right, and then ruined it with the dumb front door. You would have been a fool to walk into that, and you did exactly right by involving the police.
And now he is being unfair to you by refusing to acknowledge he did something spectacularly idiotic. At this point it has gone beyond dumb and has progressed to emotional abuse. **You did nothing wrong.** He hangs out on the idea that “everyone he tells thinks it’s funny” without realizing that the reason it’s funny is because he did something embarrassingly stupid, and he’s the one who ended up in handcuffs at his own proposal because of it.
My advice is to get a disinterested third party to yell some sense into him, because he’s damaging his relationship with his pouting over something that is entirely his fault.
Who dafuq leaves their door wide open with pets in the house? This cannot be real. I refuse to believe anyone is this stupid as to make it look like your house was broken into then get shocked pikachu their partner would call the police.
This has to be bullshit. At the most they would send an officer for a wellness check. They wouldn’t walk in see all that, put him in handcuffs and then lead her in to see. Bad creative writing
I’m a grown ass dude and if I came home to lights off and front door wide open with no movement etc, I’d either be going in with my gun drawn, or calling the cops.
I don’t get why not shut the door, lights on, everything normal? You’d see the rose petals anyways and follow them out back lol
Your BF needs to chill and actually ponder for a sec from your pov.
Out of this story the biggest red flag for me was the handcuffs
1. His car isn’t in the driveway.
2. The front door is wide open.
3. The house lights are off.
4. You call his phone four times but there’s no answer.
He *could have* parked his car in the driveway.
He could have **AND SHOULD HAVE** left the front door closed/locked.
The lights could have remained off, or just leave the front room’s lights on so you’d see the rose petals when you opened the front door.
Yes, he was *trying* to be romantic, but even from man’s perspective **everything** he did made it look like there was a **VERY** serious problem in your house.