Would you prefer to go shopping for a ring together, or for the proposer to pick it out alone and have it be a complete surprise?


47 comments

  1. Before, no. My husband and I discussed getting engaged/married, but I wanted the actual proposal to be a surprise, and choosing the ring beforehand would take away from it.

    I gave him pointers: in my culture both engaged people wear simple bands (right hand for engagement, then the same ring is placed on the left hand at the wedding ceremony), not big stones like american engagement rings, so I told him what style/width/color I prefer. He nailed it, but if he had chosen something I dislike I wouldn’t mind having it as a placeholder and then shopping for a replacement together after the proposal.

  2. We went shopping together. No way am I gonna let someone else pick a ring for me to wear. I don’t like rings in general and I didn’t want any gemstones. Just a simple silver ring for engagement ring and a titanium ring for wedding ring.

  3. I think it was great. If you’re spending that much on a ring, you have to make sure you both like it.

    The sales specialist was amazing to work with, she had me pick out my top 3 cuts and setting designs and told us that he should pick the final ring so it would still be a bit of a surprise for me.

    In the end, he chose beautifully.

  5. I’d love to be a person who can go shopping for a ring together, but I think I would feel disappointed if we did (not valid, I know, 100% a me-problem, not something I’d let my partner know or feel). I want my partner to know me well enough to pick out a ring I’ll love. That said, I’m not keeping my general preferences a secret. If you want something very specific, definitely go shopping together so you aren’t disappointed. If your taste is fairly easy to find, I think it is lovely to be surprised.

  6. I chose my ring he proposed without one. I’m weati g this for the rest of my life and did not want a standard diamond ring, so he gave me the budget. I picked an emerald cut emerald on a diamond band. With a setting just high enough to fit a wedding band under it and flush.

    He had the ring go to his parents’ house and proposed again once it arrived.

  7. My wife and I went shopping together. She doesn’t wear a whole lot of jewelry so neither one of us had a good basis for me to guess what she might like. We ended up with something we both liked.

    The time/place/method of the engagement itself was still a surprise for her.

  8. I sent him rings I really like so he could understand the style I like. He’s picking the actual ring though! He asked me all sorts of questions as well while he was looking probably to ensure he was getting something I would actually like.

    He will also be getting a watch as an engagement gift and we picked that out together!

    He’s heard me discuss some of my friends who have told/shown their partners what they want and then they got the exact opposite.

  9. I want a beautiful wedding ring and I want to choose one with my partner. But, this might be controversial, I don’t really care about engagement rings… I’d rather save that money for more long lasting things or the honeymoon. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be happy about a beautiful ring but I’d prefer one that is more of a personal gift than a perfect and expensive one.

  10. I wish we had done a little of that. I could have pointed out what I liked and didn’t like, and then he could make the final decision. I do love the ring he picked, but it wasn’t at all what I was imagining (I guess sending pictures wasn’t enough lol).

  11. This is what my now-fiancé and I did, and I thought it was great! I have a pretty particular jewelry style and appreciated being able to help look for my engagement ring. It was also really informative for us both in terms of types of jewels, cuts, etc. Overall, a super positive experience!

    That all said, I have friends who prefer the surprise and would’ve hated being as involved as I was in ring shopping. Do what works for you!

  12. Wasn’t my thing, but I did send my husband pretty detailed photos of what I liked. In the end he designed it, but it closely fit what he knew I liked. I was happy that the proposal and ring were a surprise.

  14. I feel fantastic about it, and it’s exactly what we did. We made a whole day of it; went to the jewelry district, looked at so many rings, had lunch, more rings, narrowed it down, had a drink, then went back and picked the ring. I did not get the ring at the time, the proposal itself was entirely separate.

  15. My Husband and I went shopping together and it was so much fun!!! I tried many different styles and carat sizes to gauge what I really wanted and fit my hand well. I always wanted a round solitaire, and trying them all on confirmed that was the right choice. I did not know when my husband was going to propose so I was still very surprised and emotional!!! I have seen way too many posts of women regretting their ring and upset/angry with their fiancé for picking the wrong ring for them.

  16. I never imagined doing this because I’ve always felt it takes away from the actual proposal. I’d rather it be a surprise, but, I know I’d have a lot of anxiety over “what if I don’t like the ring or if he chooses the wrong thing?”

    We were walking through the mall a couple weeks back and my boyfriend asked if we could stop by one of the jewelry stores so we can get an idea of what carat size would look best. In my mind I knew exactly what kind of ring I wanted (minus carat size) and would’ve never considered anything other than a round diamond, but, as we looked at the rings I was IMMEDIATELY drawn to the oval rings. I fell in love with one ring in particular and now I don’t look at round diamonds the same. I’m so glad we stopped to browse rings together and it opened the door to showing him the specifics of what I’m looking for in a ring.

  17. That’s what we did! We didn’t actually pick out a ring, but we looked together and he got a good sense of what styles I liked best. Then he went back by himself and picked out, so I knew a proposal was coming but didn’t know when or where or how or what specific ring it would be. So it was still a super fun surprise!

    (Although if you ask him, he says I picked out the ring. I think he picked up on which was my favorite even though there were a few different ones I would’ve loved.)

  19. That’s what we did. I am very particular and I wanted it to be something we did together.

  20. I feel fine about it. If we’ve already discussed getting married and have agreed that we want to do so, I’m fine with any and all logistical discussions about getting married or officially getting engaged.

    I’m not a fan of surprise proposals, so it sounds far better to me to have discussions and figure out what you want together rather than one person trying to guess without useful input.

    My partner and I didn’t even have an official proposal. We decided that we wanted to get married and then started planning to do so. It worked great for us!

  22. I wanted to be involved so we went together and I was able to design exactly what I wanted. Although he did show me the ring he would have gotten if I opted for a surprise and honestly I would have been happy with it too!

  23. I wouldn’t do it but that’s perfectly ok if another couple chooses to do it! I was completely surprised

  24. He surprised me one evening after having dinner out and said let’s pop in here – it was a jewelry store. Starts looking at rings, asks me to try some on. I was so happy and excited. We’d been dating for two years. I spent the next few months (right before Christmas) making sure my hands always looked nice, getting my nails done, etc. Just being female, you know. Crickets. Then one day in January he shows up with a new truck. I knew it wasn’t happening then. When we split six months later, I asked him about it. He had no clue how that had hurt. Good riddance.

  25. That’s what I did with my husband. We went shopping a few times to get general ideas, not just for my engagement ring but also both of our wedding rings.

    I told him the type of design I wanted the most, and he kept the date he ordered it/it was in his possession/when he was going to propose with it a secret.

    No ragrets. I got exactly the ring I wanted and there was still some element of surprise surrounding the proposal.

  26. If i’m wearing a ring for the rest of my life then it needs to be something I love. I know exactly what kind of ring I would want, I can picture it 🤣

    I think expecting a partner to pick out the perfect ring alone is a lot of pressure to put on them, i mean he’s not a mind reader. I’d like a proposal to be a surprise though.

    I think ideally i’d get proposed to with a cheap ‘placeholder’ ring and then later on shop together and buy the ‘forever’ ring.

  27. Depends on the person and what rings they love. I had always talked about wanting an emerald engagement ring, so we basically picked out 5 rings that we both loved and he picked the one he liked. So when he proposes, I’ll still be surprised but it’s also something we essentially picked out together.

  28. I knew exactly what ring I wanted. We discussed getting married, I sent him a link to the ring, he ordered it and then he proposed after it arrived. I don’t think it’s a great idea to be a total surprise unless you’re not fussy or can give a very good description of what you want. My ring is quite unique though (opal centre, diamonds in a leaf motif around it) and I wanted that exact one.

  29. I designed my own ring since I wanted something I adored, which I think my husband was very relieved by since he was anxious about choosing anything. He waited to propose about 6mons after he got the ring back and it was torturous 😩 but worth it

  32. I like the idea of shopping for inspiration but then he gets the final ring as a surprise.

  34. I think it’s a good idea. Mine took my best friend who knew exactly what I was hoping for so I still got a surprise.

  35. I preferred to pick mine out. We shopped after the proposal so the proposal could still be a surprise.

  36. I would answer that with a question. Is she particular about what she wears? If yes then it might be safer to have her pick out the ring.

    I went shopping with my SO and I’m glad we did. Picking out something she will wear every day is a big deal. If you want to do both you can surprise her with a shopping trip to the jewelry store.

    Or you could enlist her friends for help.

  37. I’m *very* particular. I don’t like polished stones and I don’t like certain colors. However, this is all information I’ve given him beforehand so I think he knows me well enough that I’d love anything he picks. Especially since he’s picking it out for me. And he surprises me with things I love all the time so I’m confident by now I can trust his style for me

  38. personally i wouldn’t pick out the exact ring but instead would send him hints, such as designing rings on the website and showing him the designs. as long as it’s gold and marquise, i am fine, he only needs the inspiration. i feel like going together and literally PICKING the ring just ruins the surprise, yes you don’t know when he’s proposing but you know that he will eventually, I’d rather be oblivious to it and just think he’s sitting on the idea and not doing much, while in fact he’s out there getting something similar to the ideas i sent

  39. Yes! That is what we did. My ring has my late grandma’s diamond in it, and we had gone to her favorite jewelry store with my grandpa and my aunt and we made a whole day of it.

  40. I wanted to pick out my own ring.

    Way way too expensive of a purchase to make without my opinion IMO.

    His dumb ass mother told him “get whatever you want, she’ll like it no matter what” and he had the good sense not to do that lol.

  41. I knew we would get married one day, but I had no idea he had shopped for a ring and when he was going to propose. Honestly I preferred it that way, I trust him with all my heart and figure he has good tastes… I mean he picked me, right? I didn’t know what my dream ring looked like till he gave it to me

  42. Husband and I went ring shopping together and he asked me to pick 3 or 4 that I would be happy with (our jeweller has amazing taste so just picking 3 or 4 was hard!!) and he then made the final decision so it was still a surprise. I wasn’t super bothered by having a big surprise proposal so it made no difference to me either way. I surprised him with a luxury watch as his ‘engagement gift’ when we collected my ring though… Thought he deserved a nice piece of jewellery pre-marriage too haha

  43. I think it should be the norm. A couple should talk about and agree to become engaged. I got the ring of my dreams that I am obsessed with! It’s kind of a weird tradition to me that the woman wouldn’t know anything beforehand.

  44. We talked about what I wanted and went to look at things I liked. We planned on letting him be the one to pick it out, so I wouldn’t know what it looked like/when it was purchased, but we wound up buying it together. The shop had a beautiful solitaire and offered to take that diamond and put it on my dream ring, so we just went for it.

    I’m happy we did it that way now, because I got exactly what I’ve always dreamed of. He was still able to surprise me with the when and the how, but the ring was perfect when it happened!

  45. Im engaged now and soo glad I didn’t go engagement ring shopping with him. I really wanted the entire proposal experience to be a surprise and that’s exactly what it was.

    I feel like if we would have gone shopping together, I would’ve expected the proposal to happen eventually.. no longer making it a surprise.

    I used to send him inspo pics/videos of rings that I like on social media. Or show him in person and tease “for when the day comes if it ever comes 🙈” lol. It worked because he got me my exact dream ring 🥹

  46. For me it was a total surprise what the ring looked liked but it was exactly what I’ve always wanted. I’m not even sure I talked to him about it.

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